A bit of a post about some things I am thinking about this weekend, and that is about feelings.
I am noticing that I am much more prone to my feelings than I ever was before. Maybe I am just not remembering well, but ever since a certain happening, my feelings have been quickly and easily overwhelmed.
Perhaps this is from a deep wound, which causes quick reactions to hurt or pain. Whether this is true or not, my feelings get away from me and then I am frustrated because I am not able to control them as much as I would like.
My feelings well up inside me, and overwhelm me with whatever it is that is bothering me. Either sadness, or depression, or hurt or frustration, or more likely something illogical, and it spills over in all sorts of ways.
Tears. Harsh words. Unkind teasing. All sorts of ugliness comes out. And when it starts coming, I feel unhappy about it and frustrated with myself for being so emotional.
Being emotional is not what I think of for a mature woman. Emotion is surface, and from a part of the brain that is different than the reasoning part where deep thinking occurs. Emotion carries one away from thinking, and I do not want to be carried by emotion and feelings. I'd rather think carefully and reason to a more mature viewpoint. I'd rather my feelings come from maturity than emotion. And I've noticed my emotion changes as quickly as the wind, and is not reliable at all.
I do not want to be an unstable, emotional, immature woman.
This is why I get so frustrated with being caught up in feelings. And my feelings have been in quite a jumble lately! I wish they would just go away sometimes. Unfortunately, they do not go away and require a good bit of management.
So to begin management, and this management needs some tight control.
God grant me grace to remember how others feel, to remember the truth in the midst of emotion, to remember the truth of situations beyond my control. And God grant me grace to weather the storm of feelings that are still present, and threatening to overcome.