Narcissism

I've been thinking about narcissism this week in the back of my mind. It's kind of something I've had back there for a while, but this week it bubbled up and became more of a real thought.

It's been in the back of my mind because of my hate/love relationship with Facebook. And yes, I know that's supposed to be love/hate. But I hate Facebook more than I love it. And yet, hypocrite that I am, not only do I have a Facebook profile, but I also spend way too much time there.

There's already a lot of blogs out there with tons of great reasons of why one should avoid Facebook like the plague. I'm content to let them do the talking on that subject. To be honest, the only reason I'm still there is because it seems to be the best way to be invited to social events. Other than that, I'm back on the hate part of the relationship.

One of the things I've thought about this week about social media is just how narcissistic is really is. It's a great place to put a soundbite of my thoughts. A great place to let everyone know what I like, and a great place to post things in order to feel like my "friends" like me by clicking the appropriate button.

Very moving and deeply committed relationships are to be had on Facebook as I post pictures of myself and like others' comments.

I just keep feeling like it's so vain and narcissistic. Every time I post a picture I feel a little guilty because guess who the star is?

Yup. Yours truly.

And then when I post a status, guess who it's about?

Mmmhmm. You got it. None other than the center of this universe.

And what about those people who post pictures daily? They seem to have cool, exciting lives as they post pictures of where they are or what they're eating or the spiffy outfits they're wearing today. But in the great scheme of things, why do we do it?

The great scheme of things...the great big picture of this life...and I am taking those moments to post about my Easter picture in a place where the hubbub grows louder and louder, and few really care about my clothing choices for Resurrection Sunday celebration.

It makes me feel so disgusted with myself.

My idea is that the great scheme of things is the furthering of the kingdom of God. The mission of sharing the story of Christ with others, of sharing the Love of Christ with others. It's hard for me to reconcile posting pictures of myself on Facebook with that. I'm sure there are some extenuating circumstances somewhere for it, but really, how very silly it is.

I'm writing this for myself alone, as being chief among sinners. Because that photo up there, the reason this whole conversation with myself began this week is posted- guess where? On Facebook.

Narcissism and being me-focused is so easy to slip into. I want to break free of it, and to become the person who, when others speak of me or see me, won't think about me at all, but about Christ. I want to be the background to a better story, the servant washing the feet of others, the one that shines the light brighter. I want others to be blind to me, but mesmerized by Christ.

As time goes on, it begins to dawn upon me that maybe social media is something that should take less and less of my time. Instead of posting about how exciting my life is or how bored I am as the case may be, maybe I should be out living it, and socializing in person.

Computer screens are the real life of today, I'm told. A pat answer to describe today's culture, but it's a lonely way to live. You cannot make eye contact. You can't hear voice inflection, you can't reach over and give the person a hug. Computer screens are not a replacement for real life relationships. Computer screen relationships make it easy to avoid the nit and grit of life. And I'm thinking it probably has helped increase the number of depression medication prescriptions and attempted and successful suicides.

Here we are. Me in a quiet room alone typing into a little flat box, and you staring at a screen to read my thoughts. You do not hear me talking about it. You do not know the background of what I say, except what I take time to add here. The give and take of exchange of thoughts is missing. Here, I give, you take. Here, it's all about me, with no room for you.

It's lonely.

Narcissism is all about me. It's being obsessed with me, self being the most important of all. Narcissism is others not being as important except to make me look good and feel good. It's an i-culture all right. It's all about me.

The narcissism I see in myself is beginning to bother me more and more. I'm thinking of some things I can do to work on this, steps to take to switch the spotlight off of me and on something more important, more life-changing.

That I might grow in humility.

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed,
Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved...
From the desire of being extolled ...
From the desire of being honored ...
From the desire of being praised ...
From the desire of being preferred to others...
From the desire of being consulted ...
From the desire of being approved ...
From the fear of being humiliated ...
From the fear of being despised...
From the fear of suffering rebukes ...
From the fear of being calumniated ...
From the fear of being forgotten ...
From the fear of being ridiculed ...
From the fear of being wronged ...
From the fear of being suspected ...

That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I ...
That, in the opinion of the world,
others may increase and I may decrease ...
That others may be chosen and I set aside ...
That others may be praised and I unnoticed ...
That others may be preferred to me in everything...
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should…

With deep humbleness and remorse,

Katie

The Birds Sing The Glad Message

The birds were singing this morning when I awoke. It made me think of that morning, so long ago when the women awake early, hurriedly dressed, and went to the tomb. They had no one to open it for them, but they were determined to try.
I imagined the birds singing, the air cool as they walked the hills to the tomb. Perhaps the first rays of sunshine were peeking up over the horizon.
The women reached the tomb, expecting death and silence, the stench of disappointed hopes greeting them. Instead they found an angel messenger who gave them such great news that they could barely understand or believe it, and then when it saturated their minds and hearts they dropped everything and ran back to share the good news!
And Mary was the first to see the risen Lord. Can you imagine? Can you imagine being at the cross and seeing the horror of the inflicted death, watching all the blood pouring out, being absolutely sure that He is dead, and then three days later encountering the one you loved most in the garden where He was supposed to be buried?

Gives us a little peek into what it must have been like for Mary.

The grand message of today, sung by the birds at dawn, shouted by the rays of sunshine, and echoed through the world every year since is this:

He is risen! He is risen! HE is risen indeed, Alleluia!

Day of Darkness

Today is the day of darkness. The day of silence. The day of complete devastation. Today is Saturday, and Jesus is in the tomb.

He wasn't supposed to be in the tomb! He was supposed to be the King, the Jewish King who was going to send the Romans packing out of Israel. He was supposed to set His disciples up as rulers one on the right and one on the left, and others to be in command. He was supposed to be there to heal the sick, the blind, the lame as before. He was supposed to be the bright star on the political horizon and the hope of all who were oppressed by the political unrest going on. But where was He?

Dead.

In a tomb.

The disciples must have been stunned, dismayed, bewildered, lost. It is a day of darkness. They've just spent all their time for the last 3 years following Jesus around, listening to Him, eating with Him, and yes, even having some of the glory of Jesus' fame shining on them. But now that is a glory that could have them killed, too.

The glory of following Jesus could have us killed, too. Being a disciple of Christ is not an easy task that if you say some magic words will give you hope of an afterlife in a golden city someplace. Following Jesus is dealing with the sick, the blind, the lame. And there are many many forms of sickness, blindness, and lameness. It is taking up our cross and following Him, through the mire, blood, and tears.

It's a dark day today. Our hope, our Savior is dead. It is silent, with only the grave to speak to us.

And what will happen tomorrow?

The Teacher Was Homeschooled (And Other Ironies Of My Life)

Irony 1. The teacher was homeschooled. And has no idea what a 'classroom' is supposed to look like.

Not only do I not know what it's 'supposed' to look like, but I also have no idea how it works. You know what it feels like so far? Like juggling 5 siblings and all their activities. Except, these siblings are all the same age. Maybe being the oldest of 9 will come in handy, after all. (Don't make me use my teacher voice!)

Irony 2. The teacher knocks over the kid in the playground on the first day. Great.

Parent: "Do you like your new teacher?"

Kid: "She knocked me down on the playground!"

Parent: "What kind of teacher is this?! "

(It was actually an isolated incident which was caused by a child walking behind a teacher who was swinging. The teacher was unable to stop the child or the momentum in time. I was that unfortunate teacher. There were no serious injuries in the making of this irony. Maybe I should give up swinging.)

Irony 3. The new PE teacher has never been to a PE class in her life.

She can't shoot baskets, she can't do push ups, and she doesn't remember the rules to 'freeze tag'. But somehow, these things will probably not hinder her as she guides 40 kids through PE classes. Oh no. Not at all.

~

Somehow, I think I'm going to absolutely love this job. After the first day, I still have things to do with them for the remainder of the week, and lots of ideas for our studies and activities. I'm surprised there's not the irony of using up a weeks worth of classes in one day. But grateful for that not happening. Ask me tomorrow if it really didn't happen. Ha!

Today I got more of a feel of how long it takes to do things with 5 year olds. (Basically, forever.) And I got more of a feel of where they are in their abilities. (Basically, my level.)

Looking forward to more teacher adventures tomorrow! But I think I will attempt to avoid knocking over kids on the playground.

Mile Markers and Changes

This is my last week with my regular routine. Next week begins a new season in my life, a new direction taken, and who knows what might happen next.

My life moves so quickly. I'm often left gasping for breath as each new development arises. And smiling because it's fascinating to follow Jesus, and along the pathway there are many adventures!

I'm beginning an adventure next week, and I'm very excited about it. It will push me out of my comfort zone just a little, be a bit of a challenge, and will also satisfy a pleasure that has been waiting for another chance to come to light.

But more on that another time.

I was just thinking about following Jesus, and this path of life. This road called Vida. A road that leads ever onward and upward, and each step means something new is on the horizon!

What a journey I've been on as I trace it through the last 3 or 4 years. I've been talking about part of that journey with some co-workers. It's a journey that went from "I'd never do that! If I was called to that, I'd know it!" to "I think I'm called to do this." I've changed so much since 4 years ago, it's astounding. I don't think I'd know myself if I'd had a peek into the future way back then. And I'd be shocked at some of the things I'd see myself doing now.

It's pretty neat to stop for a moment, and take stock of where the road has been. Look back over my shoulder and take note of the mile markers and envision again the person that met them. Then to look around right now and see who the person is at the present mile marker.

It's pretty neat to stop for a moment and really see how God works. Sometimes, it's all in a second and you know, you know the change has taken place. Sometimes, it's over a long period of time and you suddenly look up and realize how long it's been, or where you are. It was gradual, but it was happening.

Some of these changes on the pathway of my life have been on the fast, sudden variety. But most of them are natural, and fall into place.

I just love it when that happens. When it naturally slips in with a nice "click" making things easy and simple.

"For I know the thoughts that I have for you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil to bring you to an expected end." A frequently quoted scripture, and one that is proven over and over.

May your adventure of life lead on peacefully as you encounter each new mile marker.

Surpassing Power

2 Corinthians 4:7-10

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.

Afflicted,

not crushed.

Perplexed,

not driven to despair.

Persecuted,

not forsaken.

Struck down,

not destroyed.

Because the surpassing power belongs to God,

not us.

A promise we can remember,

not forgotten.

Randomness

This photo is just so cool. I really love how the color in the braid shows up.

No spiritual lessons to draw from it. Just enjoying a photo that makes me smile. :)