Opening one's heart to what God wants can be such a hard thing to do.
It's scary to let go of the known and venture into the great unknown.
Who knows what might happen?
But then I consider that God is the one who made me. I think He can handle my future.
I often think I have the best idea of what that future should look like. And on top of that, I think it should be happening now, not later. So I keep a firm grasp on the door of my heart and what I have in mind and what I want and nothing will make me change my mind.
Until God whispers in my ear. I hear Him saying "trust me!" and a finger loosens its hold on the door of my heart.
I want something more than anything else on earth. I want it so much that I think about it all the time. The thought is there when I go to sleep, and when I wake. During the day it pops up continually. That something is the desire to follow Jesus and His plan. Oh I want it so much! I want to make Him pleased that I am walking His path on this journey of life. But my troublesome wishes sometimes cloud the thought, drowning out the whispers.
Sometimes I just want to shout, saying, "Jesus! Take me!" and run as fast as I can toward what He wants.
But the door of my heart is stuck, sometimes. Locked for fear of hurt or disappointment, afraid of what might be beyond. And why? God has only proven Himself to be good, kind, and faithful. Not asking too much or more than I can do.
The door has to be flung open, welcoming God in.
Oh God, open the doors of my heart. Unlock the fears and help me to give my heart into Your hands. Take me and my life and use it as You wish. Show me Your path and let me walk in Your ways. Through Jesus Christ my Lord, Amen.