Paso A Paso

It's quiet. The silence wraps around me, friendly and warm.
I wonder how many days of silence it will take before I grow cold to it again?
It takes silence for contemplation to come.

Here I am again, after a whirlwind. After a needed break.
Here I am again, and a whole new adventure has begun. A new life has opened up suddenly, and at moments I am nearly breathless from it, at moments I am in awe. God has moved powerfully, and directed my steps anew. Prayers, deep ones, have been answered.

In January, in the midst of desperation, of heartbreak, of soul searching, I wrote down eight goals to work towards. Eight changes for positive steps, eight things that needed work. Eight goals.
Then life happened. I worked, I studied, I wrestled. For two dark months, I was in depression, I was facing darkness, and I felt like my life was going nowhere fast.

But prayers were being lifted, on my behalf. Many people were praying.

And I kept working, kept taking steps. Baby steps, one at at time. Paso a paso.

And God began to work, changing my heart. God began to give me strength, began to show me the beams of sunshine just beginning to show on the horizon.

I counted gifts, found the sunshine, and slowly it began to filter that God was there in the darkness, that He was there in the night, and that He had given light instead of darkness, and day instead of night. Slowly I felt His love again, slowly I believed His goodness again.

God is so good. All the time.

Finally, in April, I remembered that list of eight goals. I pulled them out again and looked at them and was astonished that all of them were either accomplished, or had a solid plan in place to accomplish them.

Step by step they had been met, step by step things had changed, and step by step my heart is being made whole again. Gods grace has been visibly evident. God's love has been showered down. And God's provision has been made manifest.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow
Praise Him all creatures here below
Praise Him above ye, heavenly hosts
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost

Moving Onward

And here we go.
We begin a new year.

And the old one passes away, joining memories and become past. Becoming a part of our history.

A bittersweet change, from old to new. For me, tied up with endings and beginnings, and all sorts of new experiences and memories on the journey. But somehow, I am not sad to see it go. I will be glad to begin again, to go forward from here.

At times, you see, it has felt so hopeless to me. A hopeless place, where I'm just pacing, waiting and revisiting everything I've done before. Day comes, and the rounds go on, and night comes, only to bring day again, and have I moved forward?
At times, you see, it has felt like I've gathered dust.
Perhaps I haven't. Perhaps during those dust-gathering times I've been growing somehow, or grabbing onto grace somehow. Perhaps, its for a reason, but frustration has been tangible, too.

Perhaps, the grand things have been the moments of grace. Like living in Bolivia. Bolivia. I say the name and floods of thoughts, ideas, memories come. I say the name, and go into Spanish mode, thinking in Español a mi mismo and taste the rice and feel the itch of hundreds of mosquito bites again. Bolivia was the highlight of the year, the great lesson teacher, the shining months of happiness. I remember the first time I laughed in months was there. Really laughed, with head thrown back, eyes shut, laughing from my toes. Sun shining down on my head, sparkling in my eyes. I remember that laugh. I remember those moments.

I remember moments on a motorcycle, wind catching my hair and blowing it behind, giggling softly to myself, because the driver couldn't understand me, and I couldn't understand him, and we got lost together in his hometown, with me giving directions in a strange half Spanish, half sign language way. At last we found the place, and he smiled shyly and charged me much less than he should have, and we laughed together before he sped on to the next fare.

A grand thing, was teaching 5 little children, all who nestled into a little place in my heart. Washing hands, reading books, making paintings, sliding down the slide (teacher is sliding down the big slide- they giggled so much at that) and playing all sorts of games. I taught them to read and write letters, crooked as they may have been. They taught me joy in simple things like goldfish crackers, and friends who share.

Grand things, small things they seemed, too. Day by day things. Like catching those perfect shots on my camera. Like a few hours here and there in a coffee shop with a sibling. Like hours on the phone with my best friend. Like cherished emails and chats and time spent in special places, just being together. Golden moments. Small adventures. They gather together to create the dust of the clay of the whole year, becoming part of who I am.

Hard things, too. Many tears, my heart aching. Many times head down, working as hard as I could, lips tight in determination. Many nights spent studying, praying, writing as I endured.
Life. Vida. Its all a part of the journey.

No, I don't want to go back and begin this year again. I'd rather go forward. I'd rather move on. But I am grateful for lessons learned, for experiences lived through, for grace showered down from God.

And I look forward to the next one. I wait anxiously to see what happens. I search earnestly for Christ's leading.

Onward. Upward. Vaya con Dios. Viaje con Dios. Go with God. Journey with God.

Today's Hidden Gift

Check out my post over on A Thousand Hidden Gifts. The photo today was snapped after a sudden stop, a U turn, and a quick dig through my bag for my camera.

"I love the rainbow in the sky, the promise that it implies of hope and forever life. I love how the orange bleeds into the pink, which turns slowly to purple and the designs of the tree against it all creating a lacy framework. I love how it represents so many different things, diverse, yet together creating a beauty that stops traffic, that causes you to sit and stare for a bit, marveling at the glory of it. I love the splendid evidence of God's enjoyment of color and vividness."

How can I even describe how I feel or what I think, when focusing the camera on such a beautiful painting? It inspires me to worship, it inspires me to awe as I wonder about the One who creates it every day.

A moment from my aventura today.

A Step By Step Guide To Directing A Wedding

Steps to directing a wedding.

1. A week before, create detailed schedule of events and include info on who, what, and where. 
2. Begin packing and making lists of everything to take with you to the wedding site.
3. Rise early and attack the shopping for all the wedding food on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving.  Stop for coffee with Mom.
4. Prepare and organize the last details of various decor projects and pack car.
5. Stop and have Thanksgiving dinner with family!
6. Rise early on Friday and go to three different places to cut greenery for decorating the church. Bag, and somehow fit everything into the car, with space remaining for three people. Be sure the Ipod has some battery life!
7. Pack a lunch, or grab all the Thanksgiving leftovers.
8. Drive two hours to the wedding site, jamming out to various musical selections by your 16 year old sister. Including headbanging at a stoplight. Never going to see those folks again, anyway.
9. Arrive the wedding site, collect the key, and eat lunch. 
10. Move tables and arrange seating and serving areas in the reception hall. Do some massive cleaning.
11. Iron tablecloths on a makeshift ironing board. Listening to the Beatles helps. 
12. Sort out table decorations and start putting together what goes where. Meanwhile, more folks arrive and start decorating cupcakes and cutting veggies and working on food. Party time!
13. Get sisters started on decorating the sanctuary. Delegation and letting go is a beautiful thing.
14. Direct traffic for where things are going and what needs to be done. Find various bits and pieces needed, and an extension cord for the kitchen.
15. Keep an eye on the time so everyone will have a break to rest before rehearsal.
16. Finish all tablescapes and check bathrooms.
17. Call a break for everyone and begin dressing for rehearsal. Remember that you forgot to bring shoes. 
18. Go over ceremony seating with the ushers. Work with Dad on directing the flow.
19. Shut things down and help lock up so everyone can go to dinner. 
20. Play musical chairs at dinner as you try to talk to everyone there. Discover you feel a cold coming on.
21. Back to the church with a couple of sweet helpers to finish cleaning up and put finishing touches on things. No stopping till its all done, but with help it doesn't take long!
22. Back to the hotel, only to find that an important document was left at the church. Back to the church to search for that, only to find it was in my suitcase all along, in my car. Back to the hotel, where I went to bed.
23. Wake early and roll over and go back to sleep.
24. Wake again, and give letters to the bride that everyone wrote to her as a wedding day surprise.
25. Begin dressing.
26. Go get breakfast for my sister and grab some for me, too.
27. Begin the hair and nail operation for the bride. Turned out great!
28. Pack up the luggage to check out of the hotel, and head to the church.
29. Arrive at the church and double check lots of odds and ends, take a few pictures with my camera.
30. Help bride dress and prepare for photography time.
31. Corral all the appropriate people in the sanctuary for photos. With two big families, that can be quite the feat!
32. Eat a quick lunch.
33. Start keeping an eye on the time as people start coming. Freshen up hair and makeup for the bride.
34. Reassure kid brother usher that he knows what to do and where people go.
35. (More pictures)
36. Cue the grandparents to be seated.
37. Cue the music and candle lighting.
38. Cue the mothers to be seated.
39. Cue the groom to enter.
40. Sit and be thankful for a kind soul who thoughtfully put kleenex on my pew.
41. And they're married! Let the party begin!
42. Greet everyone at the reception and circulate, answering questions and making people feel welcome. Meanwhile, eat a cupcake.
43. Gather grandparents in the sanctuary for more photos.
44. Laugh and talk with people you haven't seen in way too long.
45. Coordinate the bouquet toss! Hooray!
46. Direct folks outside for the bride and grooms exit. Everyone has bubbles to blow, and with three hip hip hoorays, the bride and groom prepare to leave.
47. Watch as dozens of balloons are emptied from the truck and then popped by eager children. 
48. Announce for everyone to take cupcakes home with them!
49. Eat a cupcake.
50. Say goodbyes.
51. Begin directing clean up. Everything back in place, ready for Sunday. 
52. Make sure key is turned back in.
53. Drive my brother to the hotel to pick up his wife and daughter. 
54. Go to dinner.
55. Drive home.
56. Unpack cars and van.
57. Collapse into bed. 

A Lesson From My Best Friend

This is a nice memory from Bolivia. Cisia was one of my best friends there, and so sweet. She and I had a special relationship and I miss her very much. My hermanita and I could get into a lot of trouble together, believe me!

Cisia taught me to ride motorbikes the Bolivian way, whistling for a taxi, and hopping aboard side saddle, with my groceries in my lap.

One thing that Cisia taught me, was that mission is beyond evangelism and holding Bible schools and building buildings. She helped me see that it is discipleship, and that a relationship is much more important. No one can measure the relationship between Cisia and I, and what may come of it in the future. But the time spent with her was invaluable, and she taught me a lot, without even realizing she was doing so.

My first lesson in discipleship.

Something I am pondering, for sure.

Mile Markers and Changes

This is my last week with my regular routine. Next week begins a new season in my life, a new direction taken, and who knows what might happen next.

My life moves so quickly. I'm often left gasping for breath as each new development arises. And smiling because it's fascinating to follow Jesus, and along the pathway there are many adventures!

I'm beginning an adventure next week, and I'm very excited about it. It will push me out of my comfort zone just a little, be a bit of a challenge, and will also satisfy a pleasure that has been waiting for another chance to come to light.

But more on that another time.

I was just thinking about following Jesus, and this path of life. This road called Vida. A road that leads ever onward and upward, and each step means something new is on the horizon!

What a journey I've been on as I trace it through the last 3 or 4 years. I've been talking about part of that journey with some co-workers. It's a journey that went from "I'd never do that! If I was called to that, I'd know it!" to "I think I'm called to do this." I've changed so much since 4 years ago, it's astounding. I don't think I'd know myself if I'd had a peek into the future way back then. And I'd be shocked at some of the things I'd see myself doing now.

It's pretty neat to stop for a moment, and take stock of where the road has been. Look back over my shoulder and take note of the mile markers and envision again the person that met them. Then to look around right now and see who the person is at the present mile marker.

It's pretty neat to stop for a moment and really see how God works. Sometimes, it's all in a second and you know, you know the change has taken place. Sometimes, it's over a long period of time and you suddenly look up and realize how long it's been, or where you are. It was gradual, but it was happening.

Some of these changes on the pathway of my life have been on the fast, sudden variety. But most of them are natural, and fall into place.

I just love it when that happens. When it naturally slips in with a nice "click" making things easy and simple.

"For I know the thoughts that I have for you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil to bring you to an expected end." A frequently quoted scripture, and one that is proven over and over.

May your adventure of life lead on peacefully as you encounter each new mile marker.

On Being Single

Hi. I’m Katie, and I have a dream world. It includes a husband to cook for, to help, and make happy. A family with a new name for me, and a life with my man, together serving the Lord as we fulfill His calling on our life. A man and his woman, in a dreamy little house, having dreamy little children. Working together, living together, and laughing and dancing in the living room, and sitting down to our own table. A fire in the fireplace on cozy nights at home, grand adventures as we travel with little ones in tow. This is my dream for the adventure of life.

This is what I think about. That picture, of a smiling, happy little family all my own, with pink haze around the edge framing the faces still blurry.

Blurry because it is not real- yet. It’s a dream. A perfect little dream world.

This who Katie really is: a single girl, working part time and going to school full time. An occasional weekend away with friends, coffee shop runs when I feel like it. A girl with time to travel the world and see new places, time to dabble in hobbies, and focus on ministries I’m passionate about. The world is open and before me and I can do anything and go anywhere. This is today. This is Katie. This is Katie’s rich and full and vibrant life- today.

Today is all I really know. I remember yesterdays, and imagine tomorrows, but today is reality. Today is what I can count on, and the life of today is what I must focus on. I can’t spend my time and energy in my dream world, living on pink clouds of what-ifs. Today is sitting at a desk and typing up attendance reports. Today is spending cozy evenings at home studying for a degree. Today is noticing the real people I really know and being present and active in their lives. Faces sharp and clear around me, not blurry from the unknown of dreams. Today is the real deal.

I’m working right now on becoming balanced and healthy in how I view where I am in life versus what I wish I was doing in life. I can’t say I’m there yet, but I am re-training my heart and mind to be content with today, with living right where I am. And living happily and creatively and vividly there. Not just slogging through, wishing and waiting to begin to live the day a golden band is slipped on my finger.

Its easy to think of those pink what-ifs, and to think that today is worthless because it doesn't include those dreams and ideas. But I'm finding this is false thinking. Where I am, my quiet life, is an adventure of life worth living. I have so many good things from God right here, right now. So many people to know and love, so much He would have me do. It's wrong of me to become unhappy because it doesn't match my fantasy dream world.

I am not giving up that dream of husband and family. Of picking up toys and socks, washing endless dishes, making soup in the crock-pot and the adventure of the grocery store being the highlight of the week. I'm not giving it up, but I'm putting a frame of "one day" around it, and standing back to put it into the perspective of today's bigger picture. The picture of where I really am, and the joys and happinesses I have right now, right here.

"I am still determined to be cheerful and to be happy in whatever situation I may be, for I have also learnt from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions and not upon our circumstances"- Martha Washington

"Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." - Apostle Paul, Philippians 4:11

A Lesson On Thankfulness

I remember the cut of the cold wind. The ground was muddy, and with the sun behind clouds, the day was dreary and bone-chilling. I was in Bolivia, visiting a small community and a school where they worked with the poorest of the poor. The school director was taking us for a walk around the neighborhood to see some of the good work they had done to help families live a better life. We viewed pigs and goats that allowed single mothers to have a chance to earn money so they could care for their families. We saw where they were learning to garden more productively and heard how many of the parents in the neighborhood had learned to read along with their children. Then one of the mothers invited us to her house. She was excited about the good things that was happening in her life because of the ministry the school was doing. She wanted to share a little of her gratitude with us.

We stepped away from the roads, deeply rutted and difficult to navigate because of the deep mud and entered a little area where I saw this:

I remember thinking we were first going to see perhaps where her animals lived.

But no. This was her house. Where she lived with her children. When we entered, the children were in the bed and the interpreter told us they were there because it was the warmest place to be on a cold day like that.

As you can see, her home was tarp and tin held together with a few rusty nails and rope. There were plenty of cracks to allow the cold wind to blow through. Chickens wandered in and out. These pictures show everything she owned. Yet the most striking thing about this encounter was not the hovel they called home, or the fact that she had so little. It was her gratefulness. She was overflowing about how grateful she was for God being with her and giving her so much. She talked about how good God was, and about how thankful she was for a home and children, and for the ministry she could be a part of at the school. She was so overwhelmingly grateful. That stuck in my memory more than anything else. I would have been devastated to learn I had to live in these conditions. Yet she was so joyful and full of gratitude. At the time I had just moved into a much smaller house and was concerned about closet space. She was grateful for dirt floors.
A lesson on thankfulness. She took it to a whole new level for me. It was truly humbling to see her heart of thankfulness for what she had, and to learn the lesson before me of gratitude and being content. A lesson I still remember and will never forget.

Steps

Psalm 37:23-24

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way.

Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with his hand.

Musings

Its almost time for that yearly slow down and take inventory muse. I generally do it every year around New Years, a sort of step back and see what happened the last year, and kind of gauge where I might be headed in the new year. I like to take some time to think about what I might need to work on or lesson to learn.

I keep a prayer journal. It helps me to stay focused when I pray, and because writing helps me think and organize my thoughts, it helps me to notice what sorts of prayers I'm busy with. And it shows me how selfish I am. Too much, I tend toward selfish prayers.
So every year I like to take a walk through my journal and mark the dates prayers were answered, and really see in black and white how the Lord is working in my life. It's all there, plain as day, in the curly cues of black handwriting against creamy white paper. Seeing it in writing, seeing it unfold beneath my hand really brings it to life, and really shows me how God is leading my aventura de la vida.

Just now, I was thinking about the path of life. It's so fascinating to me to picture it that way. I began this blog with that theme, and lately have been thinking of changing my blog but the adventure of life and the path and journey still seem so relevant to me that I'm keeping it. And I keep bumping into verses in the Bible about the way or path of following God. This evening I was reading Psalm 139.

Psalm 139
O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord.
You hem me in-behind and before; you laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. 
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. 
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. 
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. 
When I awake, I am still with you.
If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord, and abhor those who rise up against you?
I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies. 
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. 

A beautiful psalm which spoke to my heart. May the offensive ways in me be shown to light, that I might be led in the way everlasting.

The Trumpet Blast, The Call

The trumpet blast echoes through the valleys, across the fields. The leaves of the trees tremble at the notes, and the birds hush to hear it's voice.
It's a call to attention, a call to action.
The trumpet blast is a call to join the fight for the Kingdom.

Everyone has a calling from God to fulfill. Everyone has a job to do. Everyone should be responding to the call.
I've been struggling and wrestling this summer and especially the last few days and weeks with what my calling is. I've been exploring different options, searching my soul for answers and leading, and working toward a peaceful understanding of what pathway I'm to take, what action is mine to execute. I want to get it right. I know I'm called to something, and I know I have a mission to accomplish. I want to run the race and at the finish line look back and know I've done what God has asked me to do.
I don't want Him to ask someone else to do my job because I am shirking it.
The call is something deep within, something that He has created me to do, equipped me to do. Something that He can use to lead others to Him, something that will bring edification to myself and others.
The call cannot be denied. It is there, waiting, nudging, tugging. Ever present, it is like the echoes of the trumpet that rings in my heart and mind.
I cannot rest until the call is answered.

The call will bring fulfillment and peace. In responding to the call, I can know that I am an integral part of this universe, a piece to the puzzle, an armed warrior that helps to win the battle.

All I have to do is answer the call. All I have to do is obey the sound of the trumpet.

I still don't have the answers I would like to have. I still don't know exactly what I'm doing. But I know that in this journey of life, through the valleys and across fields God leads. Perhaps I will never gain a clear assurance of exactly what I am to do. But He will guide me, if only through a circuitous route. I have to wrestle with the call and do my best to answer.

The trumpet's notes ring out, calling to action all those who pause to listen and acknowledge it.
The trumpet's notes ring out, and I, must listen.

What Faith Can Do

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it's more than you can take
But you're stronger, stronger than you know
Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I've seen dreams that move mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It'll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That's what faith can do)
When the world says you can't
It'll tell you that you can!

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent pryaers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do
That's what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

Kutless

Looking At The Map

The adventure of life. Ever moving, ever changing the journey is continuing, and I'm still looking at the map.
The terrain of life changes so quickly. First it's smooth, then bumpy. Occasionally a hill or a mountain to climb. Sometimes a storm to trudge through, sometimes a cool breeze that makes the journey pleasant.
I was thinking today about the journey of life. And that map. I've got to figure out how to read this map, and it'd be helpful to know how to use the compass.

I was anticipating a decision I would make today. While small, it will impact the next 2-3 years and perhaps longer. I wasn't terribly nervous about this decision, but it was beginning to make me a little anxious. And then I got up to it, and it was easy.
The swells got smaller and were easy to climb.
Is that how life is?
Is it that you anticipate having to decide and anticipate trying to look for the correct path to take, when really it happens naturally? And the answer is before us?

I believe that God speaks to us, and helps us to know which choice to choose. I believe that God can take our choices and use them for the best. I believe that God allows us to choose the path.
So why do I stress over it? Especially since I know God is with me, and I know I hear His voice. If I just slow down and stop worrying, it usually all works out with little trouble.
It really does.

I'm looking at the map of this journey I'm taking. I'm checking for road signs to follow. I want to get to the goal, I want to reach the end of the journey and I want to have taken the roads and paths that were those God would be most pleased with.

I feel I'm at a crossroads of sorts. The road stretches in a few different directions I could take.
And I am willing to go down each of them, if that be where the map would point.

I'm looking at the map.
And I'm listening to where the directions say to go.

Here I am Lord,
send me.

A Battle To Fight

I'm picturing the warrior, battle stained and tired but fiercely facing down the enemy. His hair is pushed back from his eyes. His hands grip the sword and are ready for more battle.

The sun glints off the bright shine of the armor of the enemy arrayed in front of him. They seem shiny, rested. Bright flags fly over their ranks. Shouts fill the air.

To the warrior, eyes narrowed and every muscle in his body strained and ready it might even be tempting to look back behind him to his own ranks and notice the holes in the banners, the blood stains on the armor, and the tired, lean look in every man's eye on his side. The grim silence is almost loud. There is a battle to fight.

In the heat of the battle, what must it be like to realize that these are real people you're fighting? That they are wounded, bloody and dying because of the battle. That you're the one inflicting these wounds? At that point, there must be something bigger, something larger than life that makes the battle worth while. Otherwise, why are you fighting?

Feelings would get in my way. I'd feel sorry for the others, I'd try to reach out to them and help them. Even if they were the attackers, dangerous to the happiness of those I love. I'd begin to reason with myself that as they are wounded and dying I must be wrong and should stop fighting, stop inflicting wounds that were not meant to be personal. But there is something bigger, something larger than life that makes the battle worth while.

It depends on the battle. It depends on the fight.
But feelings cannot be thought of in the heat of battle. You must fight with principles.

It's the principle of the thing that makes it right to keep fighting.

The principle of good versus evil.
The principle of light versus darkness.

The principles were thought through and believed in long before the battle with emotion and feeling began. Long before the wounds were inflicted, the principles were standing.
And in the heat of battle, the principles are still standing. They are still true. They do not change because it gets hard, because it gets messy. The principles remain.

If the principles were good and right and solid before, then they are good and right and solid still.

The warrior, eyes narrowed, hands ready for battle gazes at the enemy. The principles he is fighting for are still there, strongly calling, strongly standing. And he is ready to fight with might and main to show he truly lives what he believes. He must win for the sake of those he loves. He must win for the sake of principle. The principle which will stand solid long after the heat of battle. Long after the waves of emotion and feeling. He is called to a battle. There is a battle to fight.
And he must win.

.

Words Upon Words

Words words words.

Talking, writing words. Words in black and white. Words written in space between two people. Words in sounds. Words with double meanings, words that are meaningless.

It's all words.

Words trying to convey a meaning, share a thought, a feeling and a way of thinking.

I fill up so much time with words. Talking. Writing. Reading.

But what is real is the words I am living. Do I live the words I say? Do I live the words I write? Do I live the words I read?

It's easy to sit and write and pontificate on a subject and explain and expound on it.
But its not always as easy to actually live it.

The words of my life speak volumes more than the words of my tongue or pen.

Good thoughts to remember when I sit down to expound.

Good thoughts to remember while living my life.

~

I have a growing fascination with words. A growing fascination with how they work, and the way they sound on a page. Rippling along, I notice a word that catches my eye and my fancy and it rolls on my tongue and tickles my ear and makes my heart happy to see it. A combination of words that is like eye candy and brings images to mind that lead to new thoughts and down new pathways of thinking. A word that catches my imagination and sends me off on a thought adventure as my eye passes over and to the next word.
A cloud of words, puffy and white in the blue sky that lead to higher planes and better ideas. A garden of words that blow in the wind, the sun shining down. A wave catching the light and sparkling sending a shower of beauty and hope in the form of communication via words.

Words on a page. Words on a life.

What am I communicating? Who am I communicating?

What words am I writing?

Let Me Tell You About My Jesus

I was led through a valley, and then began to trudge up a hill. It's been rocky and steep, and every time I see a stream of sunshine, I fall and scrape my knee. But the lessons are there to learn if I look for them.

And my Lord has never forsaken me.

I want to tell others that He is there, and that He is working. I know, because I've seen it. I can prove it.

During the darkness and doubts, and struggling, Jesus has come to my side and He has given me

Mercy. On hardest days of climbing, the pain was eased.
Grace. Strength to do what I thought was impossible.
Trust. When I was lost.
Strength. To keep on, even when I was so weary.
Hope. When I couldn't see.
Peace. That can't be explained.
Happiness. When I needed relief.
Light. To follow and illuminate.

Everything I need.

God never said He'd make it easy. But He did say He'd help us during hard times. He did say He'd be with us. He promised He'd help us carry our cross.

How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent word!
What more can he say than to you He hath said-
To you who for refuge to Jesus have fled?

"Fear not, I am with thee, oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God, and will still give thee aid;
I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by My gracious, omnipotent hand.

"When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not overflow;
For I will be with thee thy trouble to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

"When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

"The soul that on Jesus doth lean for repose,
I will not, I will not, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I'll never, no never, no never forsake."




How Firm A Foundation, John Keith.

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Quiet Happiness

I love the feeling of peace. I love the quiet happiness that settles into my heart and life. It's the moments of joy and knowing that God is there and He's guiding and directing my life if I will just relax and let Him. It's so good to have it back after a hard time of darkness. 

It's in the moments of swinging on the porch swing in the evenings, talking to my parents.
It's in the moments of playing kickball in the backyard and laughing at ourselves because we can't throw worth a darn.
It's just as I'm falling asleep and smiling to myself because I know. I know. I know. that He is there. He hasn't forsaken me. He hasn't forgotten me. He has a plan for this journey of life.
Quiet happiness. 

If there's one lesson I am learning on this hill, it's that God always leads us. And always guides us. And He won't let us make mistakes or miss-step. But we have to trust Him, and allow Him to lead. We have to learn to follow.

It reminds me of dancing. As a girl, I have to follow the lead of my partner. He's the one who decides where we go on the dance floor, and what moves we'll be making. He guides the dance. He's in charge. I just have to follow. When I follow, I think about how to follow. I have to relax and let him lead, and not try to take over. Sometimes it's hard, because I start thinking about how I anticipate the dance to go. And that's when I miss-step.

Just as I enjoy dancing with a good lead, I want to be a good follow. 

When I was little, I remember standing on my grandfather's shoes as he danced around the room with me. I remember giggling because I was dancing with my Paw-Paw. He danced. I held on. We laughed.

So in this grand dance of life, I'm the follow. God is the lead. I just need to relax, and let Him guide me. Then the dance will be smooth and beautiful.

Psalm 31:14-15

But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord:

I say, "You are my God."

My times are in Your hand.

Road Sign

This past week I suddenly noticed some new road signs on the road I travel to and from work. Who knows, they may have been there for months...and I just never paid any attention.

But this week as I was driving along and contemplating life, I passed these signs and it suddenly struck me that these signs are so true. About driving this particular stretch of road, and about life.

Hill Blocks View. The hill is blocking the view so you don't know what is coming next or what is about to come over the hill. The sign is to warn drivers to be cautious in those areas. Don't be impatient and try to pass other drivers when you can't see what might be coming next. Don't anticipate because you can only see the hill, not the view.

I've been thinking about my life as a journey. I often imagine it as a pathway or a road that I am walking as I try to emulate Christ and follow His ways. I imagine the views I'm seeing as I think about the things going on in my life. The happy things and positive things and exciting things seem like pleasant places to me. The hard things and disappointing things seem like deserts, valleys, or hills.

And recently, I've felt like I was in a valley, or trudging up a hill. So when I saw this sign I thought, "This hill blocks my view." I can't see what's coming next. I can't anticipate where this will lead.

In this journey of life, we can't know why things happen or where things will lead. We may have a vision of where we're going, but if we're following Jesus, we can't know for sure where the journey will take us. But we follow our Savior eagerly. And when we get to the top of the hill, we can look back and see the view. And we can begin to see the whys. And be glad for the valley and the climb.

This kind of reminds me of the threads of life. The weaver weaves them together. It takes a while for the pattern to emerge, and especially if you look at the underside, it just looks like a tangle. But it ends up being a beautiful tapestry.

The hill blocks the view. For now. But it won't always. Eventually we'll be at the top and we'll see more clearly where we came from and where we're going. We'll catch a fresh vision and we'll have a fresh viewpoint as we continue our journey. We can't anticipate, or get impatient. But the excitement of seeing the view is building, and the beauty of the view, of seeing the valleys and hills and pleasant places and deserts all blending into a beautiful panorama of a life serving God will be worth it all.

And so I keep walking, keep journeying, keep following my Jesus on this aventura de la vida. Because He is worth it all. Because He is guiding me on this pathway. And I,
must only follow.

For Me, To Live Is Christ

This adventure of life leads through a dark way. It leads through the valley of death.

Once again, I am asked to let go of what I wish and desire. Once again, the hopes and dreams must be let go.

Once again, death is required. Death to self. Death to my ideas. Death to my feelings.

Once again, I remind myself that death leads to life. It is the way the world works.

Seeds must be planted to die to produce the plants and fruit.

Souls must die physically to begin to live eternally.

Just as my will must die in order to live for Christ.

Doesn't make it easy.

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith.

Romans 12:1-3

The Release

I'm fascinated by this photo.
I love how the seed is hanging on, but just about ready to fly away...into it's own adventure, to begin it's life as  it's own dandelion.

It can be a difficult thing, to begin a journey of life. An aventura de la vida. There are fears to be faced, steps to be taken, rocks to navigate, and then hopefully, finally, the smooth and pleasant places.

Just as the seed is ready to release, a breeze comes and sweeps it away. It dances on the breeze until it finally rests someplace, and sets about to do what dandelions do.

Which is bloom where it's planted, and then spread seeds so more dandelions can come forth.

In this journey of life, this pathway, there is only one sure thing.
That God is in control, that God is speaking into my life, that God will send the breeze to send me whither He wishes. And that He will give the strength and the opportunities to do what Christians do. Which is bloom where they're planted and then spread the gospel so more Christians can come forth.

The reason for this aventura de la vida.