40 Days of Lent: Journal Entry #3

See.

"What I'm interested in seeing you do is:
sharing your food with the hungry,
inviting the homeless poor into your homes,
putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad,
being available to your own families.
Do this and the lights will turn on,
and your lives will turn around at once.
Your righteousness will pave your way.
The God of glory will secure your passage.
Then when you pray, God will answer.
You'll call out for help and I'll say, "Here I am!"

-Isaiah 58: 7-9

See.
I began mulling over what kind of photo to take to express that word and verse.
I thought of glasses to aid in seeing...
I thought of a keyhole to see through...
I thought of finding poverty to photograph.

So off I went to look for something to photograph to express seeing the needs around me. That's when I discovered how clean and tidy my town is. You don't see homelessness or poverty around like you'd think. There aren't many places to find the hungry or the shivering out on the street.
They are hidden.

Or maybe they are tidied up and covered up.

Maybe, its good that there isn't any visible poverty showing.
Maybe its very sad.

Maybe the sad part is the look of affluence, the excess around. The nice, tidy homes. Maybe it could be people who hide their poverty, or maybe its just people hiding from poverty.

How do I hide from poverty?

Thoughts on Seeing today. Seeing the poor, the shivering, the broken, the hungry.


Later:

After writing the above, I started thinking about poverty in my area. I asked on Facebook where I might find it here...and then I took a long drive alone.
I explored my town with new eyes, ventured into places and neighborhoods I didn't know existed, and found places where poverty slapped me in the face. Nothing hidden, covered up here. It was exposed, and shouting.
It was such an interesting experience. Nothing I saw was any worse than anything I encountered every day in Bolivia, yet there I wandered around quite fearlessly on foot, and in my car here, I began to feel fear as I drove through places where I obviously did not fit in. It gave me quite a pause, and I considered it while I drove slowly through neighborhoods watching little children play, watching people walk up and down the street, seeing houses in such sad shape yet with people living there anyway. In my hometown.
Why was I feeling that fear? Why was I glancing away, and why did I naturally turn toward the nicer streets first? I forced myself to turn against it, to face it, to look long at these places. To trace the dirt and grime, to meet the eyes of the people I saw, to smile at them. To see.
I was fearful of the depression and poverty. I was afraid of what might lurk, of things I have no real experience with. The shadows were long and attempting to grab me, and I was too willing to run away.

An interesting lesson to myself. Its easy to write about poverty on a nice laptop in a comfortable chair maybe while munching on delicious food. Its so easy to be self-righteous and hypocritical. But then when the rubber meets the road, and I come face to face with reality, what then? What about this world, this other side of things, ugly and uncomfortable? What do I know of it, and what am I doing about it?

I never took my photo today. I saw new things, I have many new mental snapshots within my own zip code, but I never snapped that button on my camera. I was busy seeing. The photo was not made, but it was a changed perspective and new way of looking at my own town, my own neighborhood, looking for those hidden places, or rather, the poverty I hide from.

Lenten Journey

I'm preparing for Lent, which starts on Wednesday, and getting a little excited.

I'm not gonna lie. I haven't really been thinking about it or excited about it or even very interested in observing Lent this year. Things have just been so hard, so exhausting, so much, that the prospect of another trial, self-inflicted, was too much to ask it seemed. In previous years, I've fasted something that was important to me, or something that I felt helped me keep control instead of allowing God to have control. You know, those tiny little things like holding onto things that would help me get what I wanted or was called to do because God must not be able to handle it...

This year is different. This year requires a different set of priorities. A different set of lessons and a different focus.

This year, following a set of readings and word prompts, I am going on a photo journey. Every day has a different word to express through photography. A word pulled from a Scripture reading. My plan is to read the Scripture, journal about it, and take a photo to express what I'm thinking about it. The challenging part is that its hard to stay consistent with something like this every day.

I'm planning to share these photos over on my photo blog, A Thousand Hidden Gifts. I may share some of the journal as well here.

I'm getting excited about something new to focus on. And as always, I am going to enjoy worshiping through photography. I love to use the camera's focus to bring something into perspective, some beauty to the surface that otherwise might never be noticed.

Lent is not a time traditionally recognized for beauty. But there is beauty in pain, shadows, and darkness. And it is valuable to spend time there sometimes, to soak it in and let it change us, soften us, and rely on the Light of Christ in those shadows.

Ebenezer

Wow. The last couple of evenings, I've spent re-reading much of my blog. I've read most of the published posts, and some unpublished ones as well. I've remembered thoughts and circumstances which lead to thoughts which led to the writings here. And I've been amazed.

What an ebenezer, this blog is.
And it is a good thing for me to see this ebenezer, this stone of remembrance.

An ebenezer is a stone raised in a certain place, so when others see it they can ask what it stands for, and can hear and remember the stories it represents. Ebenezers of God's grace and goodness and mercy.

In the path and rush of life, it is so incredibly easy to forget these mercies and graces and answered prayers. Its so easy to forget the thousands of blessings and gifts. It is necessary to remember these things. Its necessary to look back and see the beauty of God's presence.

I used to keep a prayer journal, and go back periodically to date when things happened or prayers were answered. It was amazing to see it in black and white. Now I am looking back at this story, and am amazed at the views I've seen and the miracles that have happened.

God is ever good.
God is ever present.
Here I raise my ebenezer. My stone of remembrance for all He has done.

Do I Want Jesus?

"I want you Jesus."
I stared at the words I had just written, black ink on cream colored paper, the script lovely there. I stared and prayed, and searched my heart and wondered.
Do I really want Jesus? Do I want that gift of sacrifice in my heart? Do I want that joy? Do I want that peace? Do I want that difficult journey, that hard life of following Him? Do I want that freedom, that love always present? Do I? And do I have the commitment to keep on following during the dark days, when I can't see one step ahead? Do I trust that He will lead me? I have faith His way is good? What is His way? Of following principles of living righteously before God and man, of showing love to others, of giving ourselves selflessly to His will and service. Yes, and I committed to die for Him. I thought I could hold to my faith enough to die for it.
Is a form of dying for your faith dying to wants in favor of principle?
Jesus, the sacrifice of love. Jesus, the one who brings wholeness and wellness and fills our hearts and minds. Jesus, who died, so I might live.
Every day Christ comes. We accept salvation at a pivotal moment perhaps, and it becomes "the" moment in our minds when we became saved, when we became Christian. Mine is June 26th. But faith is an every day affair. Somehow, you are required each day to continue to live with faith and trust. Every day you must accept the salvation. Christ comes every day to save you and me.
This moment, this day, I accept the salvation of Christ. I receive the love of Christ in my heart, and remember my baptism that signified a change in me, signified a cleansed heart. Today I renew a life lived for Christ, a life lived following Jesus.
And I am grateful for this joy, this gift. The salvation of my soul from Hell. The salvation of my soul from the darkness that pervades us, surrounding us.
The gift of God for the people of God. Thanks be to God.


Father of grace, You’ve sacrificed
Your only Son for us, the crucified Jesus
Enlarge our hearts to love Your Son
O grant to us the grace to walk with Him always
To make Him our great delight 
Bringing worship with our lives 

Chorus
Only Jesus! Only Jesus! 
Give us Jesus, we cry
Only Jesus! Only Jesus!
The Pearl of greatest price

Verse 2
Spirit of grace, You’ve shed Your light
Upon our darkened eyes, unveiling Jesus Christ
Come change our hearts, conform our ways
To honor Jesus’ Name, His glory our refrain
Let His love compel our own 
As we worship at His throne

Bridge
Jesus, our great Savior,
Lord of heaven, Son of God 

Just Katie

Who am I?
Deep down inside, where the heart pumps, sending blood coursing through my veins?
What are my dreams when I close my eyes? What are my hopes, my fancies, my wildest imaginings? And how do they fit with this body I live in, this humanity that covers my soul?
Who is this person, and what are her goals, and where is she going?

And so I begin a questioning and serious thinking as I try to define even more who I am. More blogging will come from this. I've begun already a little the past few days. But more ideas of who I am will come trickling up from the depths.

I'm thinking of my future and where it might be going.
I'm dreaming of my home and lifestyle and way of doing life.
I'm imagining different paths to take.
I'm examining my passions and joys.
I'm captivating these glimpses and putting to words what I see.

Some things may appear here. Some will be written on my heart, for others to discover later.

Who am I?
Just Katie.

Moving Onward

And here we go.
We begin a new year.

And the old one passes away, joining memories and become past. Becoming a part of our history.

A bittersweet change, from old to new. For me, tied up with endings and beginnings, and all sorts of new experiences and memories on the journey. But somehow, I am not sad to see it go. I will be glad to begin again, to go forward from here.

At times, you see, it has felt so hopeless to me. A hopeless place, where I'm just pacing, waiting and revisiting everything I've done before. Day comes, and the rounds go on, and night comes, only to bring day again, and have I moved forward?
At times, you see, it has felt like I've gathered dust.
Perhaps I haven't. Perhaps during those dust-gathering times I've been growing somehow, or grabbing onto grace somehow. Perhaps, its for a reason, but frustration has been tangible, too.

Perhaps, the grand things have been the moments of grace. Like living in Bolivia. Bolivia. I say the name and floods of thoughts, ideas, memories come. I say the name, and go into Spanish mode, thinking in Español a mi mismo and taste the rice and feel the itch of hundreds of mosquito bites again. Bolivia was the highlight of the year, the great lesson teacher, the shining months of happiness. I remember the first time I laughed in months was there. Really laughed, with head thrown back, eyes shut, laughing from my toes. Sun shining down on my head, sparkling in my eyes. I remember that laugh. I remember those moments.

I remember moments on a motorcycle, wind catching my hair and blowing it behind, giggling softly to myself, because the driver couldn't understand me, and I couldn't understand him, and we got lost together in his hometown, with me giving directions in a strange half Spanish, half sign language way. At last we found the place, and he smiled shyly and charged me much less than he should have, and we laughed together before he sped on to the next fare.

A grand thing, was teaching 5 little children, all who nestled into a little place in my heart. Washing hands, reading books, making paintings, sliding down the slide (teacher is sliding down the big slide- they giggled so much at that) and playing all sorts of games. I taught them to read and write letters, crooked as they may have been. They taught me joy in simple things like goldfish crackers, and friends who share.

Grand things, small things they seemed, too. Day by day things. Like catching those perfect shots on my camera. Like a few hours here and there in a coffee shop with a sibling. Like hours on the phone with my best friend. Like cherished emails and chats and time spent in special places, just being together. Golden moments. Small adventures. They gather together to create the dust of the clay of the whole year, becoming part of who I am.

Hard things, too. Many tears, my heart aching. Many times head down, working as hard as I could, lips tight in determination. Many nights spent studying, praying, writing as I endured.
Life. Vida. Its all a part of the journey.

No, I don't want to go back and begin this year again. I'd rather go forward. I'd rather move on. But I am grateful for lessons learned, for experiences lived through, for grace showered down from God.

And I look forward to the next one. I wait anxiously to see what happens. I search earnestly for Christ's leading.

Onward. Upward. Vaya con Dios. Viaje con Dios. Go with God. Journey with God.

Christmas Graciousness

Today is the eve before Christmas. And its the biggest day of celebration for our family.
I've been purposely counting hidden gifts today as often as I can. I'm so tired and stretched thin, that any gratefulness I can offer for things given to me from God is precious and welcome.

Its helped me immensely. So much so, that in this moment of quietness, I decided to blog about it. These hidden gifts still have not made it to my camera, but its a certain step in the right direction to at least record them here, if not on my other blog, A Thousand Hidden Gifts in photo form.

First off, today I have been enjoying some Christmas music sent by family or friends to my Spotify lists. I love that we can see what others are listening to and that they think of things to share. Dubstep is fun, and so is a song that brought back lovely memories from a highschool choral choir I was part of. Music for the soul. Music reflects and guides our souls so much more than we would admit or realize, I think. And now I am listening to a fun Christmas playlist I put together of unique renditions of traditional songs. Love!

Next up I was enjoying the creativity of making a salad for Mom. The lettuce was such pretty colors of green and purple with all different textures. We had several different kinds to choose from. Then I grated orange carrots, chopped yellow pepper, and added red tomatoes. Black olives and green cucumbers will be added later for even more beauty and deliciousness. It made me happy to notice the colors and textures, and enjoy the rainbow in the glass salad bowl. Not to mention hungry. For a change.

This evening is the pinnacle of family celebration. First we cook and cook and cook together. Then we get dressed up and go to our church where Dad has a beautiful communion service. Then we come home and put dinner on the table. Dinner includes huge amounts of nice food, perhaps some wine, dessert, coffee, and chocolate. We eat by candlelight and use china and silver and take our time. There are often letters to open from each other or other reminiscences.  After dinner, we gather in the living room where we open presents. Paper explodes everywhere and laughter and chatter is abundant. Everyone is warm and full and a little sleepy and in good moods and eager to give their gifts first.

This is where things have changed more recently. We used to spend the rest of the evening watching A Muppet Christmas Carol. Every year. We can all quote it, and we love it. But the past few years we've been going to church for the 11pm service, which means we don't reach home until 1 or after. So this year, we've decided to do the movie on Christmas. It won't be the same, but at least it'll still happen. Its not Christmas until we watch that movie!

We also always listen to the Kings College Nine Lessons in Carols radio broadcast from Britain  This year if we miss it on the radio, I've found it online. The most meaningful carol is Once In Royal Davids City.

Our new tradition is going to the Episcopal church to their last evening service. They have a glorious choir and music and organ. And its beautiful and simple and candlelit. We leave, hearts bursting with the gift of Christ, humbled by the events leading up to it, hopeful of His return.

So now I am resting before all the celebrating begins, and writing out the graciousness I have noticed and received with thanksgiving today. And looking forward to those not yet received, but promised.

My heart begins to see the Christ who is here every day, offering gifts of unmerited love, offering grace and strength and hope.

Love that never ends.

Blessed Christmas.

Take The Next Step

I've been considering a lot of things lately. There are a lot of things going on, a lot of options ahead, and a path that is at a fork in the road. Its time to camp for a bit and look at a map.

I've been trying to figure out what to do next, and struggling a bit with where I am, and which way to turn. These struggles are good, but it can be hard sometimes to figure out who you are and where you are and where you're going next. Its part of the journey, a necessary part. And I've been watching and looking for answers and directions.

Over and over, whenever I've taken time to stop and listen, or pay attention to the message being presented to me, it seems to be saying the same thing. Take the next step. And always there is a reminder that I don't know where that next step will ultimately lead, and I do not know what the step after next will be and when. All I know is I have to take a step, and not worry about the rest.

Just do the next thing. Take the next step. Trust God that He will shine the spotlight on what to do next.

Putting In Notice

Where do I go to resign from my life?
Oh. I don't get to do that.

STRESS is the main focus of my life right now. And I am too honest to say that the main focus is Jesus or God or my relationship with the Lord. Nope folks, it would be saintly to say so, and saintly to act so, but I will just face the facts of things and admit in a very humble way that actually, all I am thinking about is things that make me feel stressed and when I am not thinking about that, I am thinking of how stressed I am. To recap: I want to resign.
Oh. I don't get to do that.

Lets see, first off is TW. TW is a great big and looming event known to all others as THE WEDDING. No, its not my wedding. At least I'd have a honeymoon to look forward to if it was. But nonetheless TW up until this week was causing a deal of dismay and stress due to an attempt to plan and execute a beautiful, memorable, simple and very inexpensive occasion. Weddings in the newest form of the word are rarely simple or inexpensive. I have a secret plan to elope when it is my turn to marry.

Next is school. I have been working on school for a year. A YEAR. I wanted to graduate at the year and three months mark with a bachelors degree in communications. I then proceeded to take six months off for something known as LIFE and now I am somewhat disappointed that I won't actually graduate until six months later than intended. Oh well. I wouldn't trade the time off doing things I love. Needless to say, I want to finish quickly so I can go back to doing what I love. But this thing called LIFE keeps taking up my time and making it hard to study! Its really putting a crimp in my style, ya'll. Such a drag to read about microeconomics when I could be helping someone manage their life better with a microeconomical loan someplace like, say, Bolivia. But there has to be first things first, and unfortunately, life experience is not the only credential one must have to succeed.

Then there is work. I work at a lovely place and am paid a reasonable amount to do so. I have a million and one things that should have been done yesterday, and a million and one details to remember for tomorrow. But even with a reasonable amount paid to do so, the ole purse is nearly flat, it is so empty. Working through school is a brilliant idea, and I hate debt, but it sure makes life a little difficult to balance when deciding between math and an essential like paying a bill. And cars have an insatiable appetite for gas. It probably doesn't help that I have an insatiable appetite for traveling.

And then there's quite a list of things I should do, or want to do, but require money or time to do, both of which are becoming more and more difficult to find or part with.

And we haven't broached several subjects not worthy for blog consumption but which cause stress in one form or another.

Makes you want to scream, doesn't it? Why doesn't this Katie girl just get a handle on things and calm down and put it into perspective? I'll whisper a secret to you...

Writing this is a step toward calming down and putting it into perspective. Nothing like seeing in black and white your minute and insignificant stresses to help you think of how small the hill you're climbing really is. Mountains they seem on gray rainy days, or when tossing and turning at night. But write them all down and then remember people and places where these things are definitely "first world pains" and suddenly, they all look like anthills.


O Lord, Grant your Spirit to calm and remind of things more worthy of thought and time than these small things. Inspire gratefulness of the bounty and blessings, and give strength to endure the seemingly impossible moments. For the grace of your Only Son Jesus Christ, Amen

Only Jesus!

Father of grace, You’ve sacrificed
Your only Son for us, the crucified Jesus
Enlarge our hearts to love Your Son
O grant to us the grace to walk with Him always
To make Him our great delight 
Bringing worship with our lives 

Only Jesus! Only Jesus! 
Give us Jesus, we cry
Only Jesus! Only Jesus!
The Pearl of greatest price

Spirit of grace, You’ve shed Your light
Upon our darkened eyes, unveiling Jesus Christ
Come change our hearts, conform our ways
To honor Jesus’ Name, His glory our refrain
Let His love compel our own
As we worship at His throne

Jesus, our great Savior,
Lord of heaven, Son of God


By Doug Plank "Only Jesus", Valley of Vision. 

Unplugged

The value of silence is often overlooked these days. It's such a busy world. Time for silence and quiet in which to just be and think becomes rarer and rarer. The world keeps turning, and the rush never ends.
I don't mean just the absence of sound around me when I speak of silence. I mean a place of minimized distraction, where thought can occur and echo around in heart and mind. Where there is not another place to be, another person to reply to, another task to accomplish. The silence of a world at a slower pace.
I have been craving the silence of a world at a slower pace. My life has been jam packed. I've loved every minute of it, but it's not a state of being I wish to remain in forever.

I want to unplug.

So this summer that's what I'm going to do. I'm not going to text, facebook, or tweet. I'm going to take time to sit and enjoy the silence.
Perhaps the silence will allow me to write, to read, to focus on the people in the same room with me, instead of the ones on the screen.

I'm sure it'll be a bit of a culture shock to go from constant on-the-go-electronic-connection to a life of no replies, re-tweets, or text messages. But I'm curious about how it's going to turn out. Will I miss it? Will I find something better? Will being unplugged make it too hard to be in relationship with others?
It's an experiment I am anxious to try.

I hope the silence will lead me toward Christ, toward hearing the whisper of His voice in my heart. I hope it leads me toward a more thoughtful existence, toward deeper relationships instead of shallow ones that never move beyond a "like" now and then. I hope the silence will grow new thoughts and new ideas and greater creativity.

So if I'm a little quieter in the coming weeks, know that I'm just being silent, soaking in the world around me, and taking time to notice and think about things I can see and hear and touch, rather than a screen of virtual life.  I want the real deal, and I'm taking a bold step to see if it still exists.

Unplugged.

One Day Soon

One day soon, I will speak a new language, and bring the spice of communicating in a foreign language to my tongue and heart. I will be free to share the thoughts of my soul and mind with others who understand another way of speaking, with others who in turn will search for words as we join in a deeper level of communication. It is a joy I anticipate and look forward to.

Words that have been chained up inside, frustrated and blocked will be free at last. Words that could not be uttered, only thought and hidden in my heart until the moment it could all be translated into a common understanding. A moment when I learn the secret to communicating, and translating my abstract ideas and feelings in concrete understanding.

One day soon, I will have the satisfaction of expressing myself in ways that I understand, elucidating a inner world of thoughts, sharing them with others.

One day. Soon.

The Teacher Was Homeschooled (And Other Ironies Of My Life)

Irony 1. The teacher was homeschooled. And has no idea what a 'classroom' is supposed to look like.

Not only do I not know what it's 'supposed' to look like, but I also have no idea how it works. You know what it feels like so far? Like juggling 5 siblings and all their activities. Except, these siblings are all the same age. Maybe being the oldest of 9 will come in handy, after all. (Don't make me use my teacher voice!)

Irony 2. The teacher knocks over the kid in the playground on the first day. Great.

Parent: "Do you like your new teacher?"

Kid: "She knocked me down on the playground!"

Parent: "What kind of teacher is this?! "

(It was actually an isolated incident which was caused by a child walking behind a teacher who was swinging. The teacher was unable to stop the child or the momentum in time. I was that unfortunate teacher. There were no serious injuries in the making of this irony. Maybe I should give up swinging.)

Irony 3. The new PE teacher has never been to a PE class in her life.

She can't shoot baskets, she can't do push ups, and she doesn't remember the rules to 'freeze tag'. But somehow, these things will probably not hinder her as she guides 40 kids through PE classes. Oh no. Not at all.

~

Somehow, I think I'm going to absolutely love this job. After the first day, I still have things to do with them for the remainder of the week, and lots of ideas for our studies and activities. I'm surprised there's not the irony of using up a weeks worth of classes in one day. But grateful for that not happening. Ask me tomorrow if it really didn't happen. Ha!

Today I got more of a feel of how long it takes to do things with 5 year olds. (Basically, forever.) And I got more of a feel of where they are in their abilities. (Basically, my level.)

Looking forward to more teacher adventures tomorrow! But I think I will attempt to avoid knocking over kids on the playground.

Mile Markers and Changes

This is my last week with my regular routine. Next week begins a new season in my life, a new direction taken, and who knows what might happen next.

My life moves so quickly. I'm often left gasping for breath as each new development arises. And smiling because it's fascinating to follow Jesus, and along the pathway there are many adventures!

I'm beginning an adventure next week, and I'm very excited about it. It will push me out of my comfort zone just a little, be a bit of a challenge, and will also satisfy a pleasure that has been waiting for another chance to come to light.

But more on that another time.

I was just thinking about following Jesus, and this path of life. This road called Vida. A road that leads ever onward and upward, and each step means something new is on the horizon!

What a journey I've been on as I trace it through the last 3 or 4 years. I've been talking about part of that journey with some co-workers. It's a journey that went from "I'd never do that! If I was called to that, I'd know it!" to "I think I'm called to do this." I've changed so much since 4 years ago, it's astounding. I don't think I'd know myself if I'd had a peek into the future way back then. And I'd be shocked at some of the things I'd see myself doing now.

It's pretty neat to stop for a moment, and take stock of where the road has been. Look back over my shoulder and take note of the mile markers and envision again the person that met them. Then to look around right now and see who the person is at the present mile marker.

It's pretty neat to stop for a moment and really see how God works. Sometimes, it's all in a second and you know, you know the change has taken place. Sometimes, it's over a long period of time and you suddenly look up and realize how long it's been, or where you are. It was gradual, but it was happening.

Some of these changes on the pathway of my life have been on the fast, sudden variety. But most of them are natural, and fall into place.

I just love it when that happens. When it naturally slips in with a nice "click" making things easy and simple.

"For I know the thoughts that I have for you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil to bring you to an expected end." A frequently quoted scripture, and one that is proven over and over.

May your adventure of life lead on peacefully as you encounter each new mile marker.

Surpassing Power

2 Corinthians 4:7-10

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.

Afflicted,

not crushed.

Perplexed,

not driven to despair.

Persecuted,

not forsaken.

Struck down,

not destroyed.

Because the surpassing power belongs to God,

not us.

A promise we can remember,

not forgotten.

Mission Without Message

I attended my first ever mission conference this weekend. It was very well put together and featured dozens of missionaries working across the globe in a variety of capacities. They discussed such things as cultural relevance, establishing multi-cultural relationships, and finding God's vision for your life. And this was just the few that I attended! With only four sessions and dozens of topics, it was hard to settle on just one class to attend each time slot!

I've been thinking about and working with a food pantry ministry our church has in our community. I've recently taken leadership for this ministry and I've been thinking of ways to help move the ministry forward toward the vision of the church. 

And it's been running in the back of my mind, aided by articles and bits and pieces of books I've come across that just giving is not enough. It's not enough to just hand out food, to add up the number of bodies coming through, the total pounds of food feeding hungry mouths. It's not enough to hug and smile at each person, to give them boxes of food to warm stomachs and wave a friendly goodbye month after month.

Anyone can do those things.

The government does those things (dispensing with the hugs!).

What makes it different when Christians reach out to others?

More importantly, why do Christians reach out to others?

Why do I wake up on a Saturday morning and bounce over to the church at 7am? Why do I spend hours organizing where to get the food we give away? Why do I give money to purchase items to add? To give to strangers and neighbors? Why do I do it?

It doesn't make sense, really. Why should I inconvenience myself? Of course, there's the nice little feeling I get, the little pat on my own back as I whisper to myself that I'm "giving back" and that I care for others. There's that bit. And I know that's a big motivation for many people. 

But the thought came to me, deep down. The thought that bubbled up slowly and finally burst upon me that the mission is absolutely useless without the message. The message is what makes the difference! 

This food we're giving, will not urge the heart of another to recognize the need for Christ in their life. The hug and smile will fade quickly and will mean nothing if the message of how it came to be there, or why it stays is not shared.

People need to know the message of hope. The message of the gospel. The food ministry is the vehicle- the means to sharing the story. The food expresses the care and love of Christ, yes. But it also needs the story and reason to be told or it will just be food. And nothing more. 

The mission without the message is a void. The ministry without the story is just another program blending in with all the other non-profits full of well-meaning, kind people.

Mission is more than just being kind people. 

Mission is bringing others to the kingdom of God. Mission is gaining their trust, introducing them to the Christ who saves, who brings everlasting life. Mission is helping them realize they can have a personal relationship with the Creator, and a corporate relationship with the church of believers. 

The food is the bait. The mission is the reason. And we need to share the reason. We need to tell the story. We need to remember the message. 

The message of Christ. 

The mission without the message is meaningless.

Food Is Essential, I'm Finding

I've been learning about the importance of eating lately. Now, this may seem elementary to most people, and something that others would say "duh!" when I bring it up. But I've learned it's really, really important to eat. Like, really.
For me, eating has been a struggle for some time. I just really don't like to do it. I like to talk about food, and talk about eating, but when it comes right down to it, I tend to forget or avoid it. It's not that I want to avoid it in order to stay slim, either. I'm just lacking that lovely natural mechanism that kicks in called "hunger" that reminds me that food is essential. And when others are eating things, I'm just not as interested in it. I'm really pretty good with just one bite. I don't have to eat the whole piece in order to reach that satisfied feeling of taste. One or two bites, and I'm happy.
But I'm finding that one or two bites of food a day just won't keep me alive. I can't go for long periods of time without eating. It's a long story, but I've learned that it's really essential to eat more than a snack a day. Like, really.

The past two weeks have been all about the food. First thing in the morning, I eat. I get to work and eat, and then eat again. Then I come home and guess what? I eat again! But the impact of all that food has really taken me by surprise. The amount of energy and emotional stability it has produced has astounded me. I didn't realize I was literally starving.  I didn't realize that life cannot be maintained without proper sustenance. I didn't realize that just eating healthy food would do so much for my mood and emotions, either!

This kind of reminds me of another essential food we need: God's word, given to us by the prophets and the law through inspiration of the Holy Spirit. If I have been starving myself by not eating, then what happens when I don't read the Bible? What happens when I go long periods of time without that essential addition to my spiritual well-being? I become dry and emotional and swept along with the strongest wind of doctrine that blows.

In addition to falling into a habit of never eating, I also found myself in the habit of never reading the Bible, either. It's easier to do something else. It's easier to check my cell phone, or look at Facebook or yes, even blog than spend time storing up energy from time reading and thinking about God's word. Those essential spiritual nutrients were falling into a depleted state.

So what to do about it?

Make time to read. Make time to sit and think about what God is saying, especially when I don't feel like it. When I feel like it least, is the most important time of all to partake of the goodness in front of me.

My goal over the next few weeks is to increase the time spent listening to and reading and thinking about the message God has sent to us, which coincides with the goal to increase my food intake.

Not only will my body and mind benefit, but my soul will, also.

I Forgive

I forgive.

Two simple words that cover a mountain and a valley and a world of wrestling and aching before arriving at the moment of clarity.

I forgive.

I will not forget the journey that caused or the journey that it took to arrive at those words. I will not forget them, but I will forgive them.

I forgive.

I will rise above the small, petty, childishness of holding a hurt in my heart. I will release it and forgive it and not keep it smoldering. It is gone because I forgive.

I forgive.

I will forgive and move forward, free and clear. I forgive and become free and whole in the forgiving.

I forgive.

Because of love, I forgive.

I forgive.

I forgive and find forgiveness.

My forgiveness really is such a small thing.

My King, my Christ, faced so much more hurt than I even begin to imagine, to forgive me. Not only the physical pain of the cross, and crucifixion, but also the mental, emotional, and spiritual pain and dying that took place in order that I might live. My mistakes and words and actions were forgiven. Forgiven and paid for that I might become free and whole. Free and whole in order to have a relationship with God and find the secret to eternal life.

I forgive. Because I have been forgiven.

Focus On The Goal

Focus on the goal. Straight ahead, there is the goal. Focus on it.

Focus on the goal. Even when the way ahead is blindingly hard, focus. Think above the pain of the going, think above the here and now. Focus on the goal.

Focus on the goal. Do not lose sight in the way when other things come into view. Think of where you are going and do not let it out of your mind. Focus.

Focus on the goal. The goal was predetermined. The goal is the higher good. Do not faint when it is hard to reach.

Focus on the goal. Focus on the strength and the endurance to make it to the goal. The strength and endurance is inside. Focus.

Focus on the goal. Work toward the goal. Race toward the goal. Make it to the goal. Focus on the goal.

The Trumpet Blast, The Call

The trumpet blast echoes through the valleys, across the fields. The leaves of the trees tremble at the notes, and the birds hush to hear it's voice.
It's a call to attention, a call to action.
The trumpet blast is a call to join the fight for the Kingdom.

Everyone has a calling from God to fulfill. Everyone has a job to do. Everyone should be responding to the call.
I've been struggling and wrestling this summer and especially the last few days and weeks with what my calling is. I've been exploring different options, searching my soul for answers and leading, and working toward a peaceful understanding of what pathway I'm to take, what action is mine to execute. I want to get it right. I know I'm called to something, and I know I have a mission to accomplish. I want to run the race and at the finish line look back and know I've done what God has asked me to do.
I don't want Him to ask someone else to do my job because I am shirking it.
The call is something deep within, something that He has created me to do, equipped me to do. Something that He can use to lead others to Him, something that will bring edification to myself and others.
The call cannot be denied. It is there, waiting, nudging, tugging. Ever present, it is like the echoes of the trumpet that rings in my heart and mind.
I cannot rest until the call is answered.

The call will bring fulfillment and peace. In responding to the call, I can know that I am an integral part of this universe, a piece to the puzzle, an armed warrior that helps to win the battle.

All I have to do is answer the call. All I have to do is obey the sound of the trumpet.

I still don't have the answers I would like to have. I still don't know exactly what I'm doing. But I know that in this journey of life, through the valleys and across fields God leads. Perhaps I will never gain a clear assurance of exactly what I am to do. But He will guide me, if only through a circuitous route. I have to wrestle with the call and do my best to answer.

The trumpet's notes ring out, calling to action all those who pause to listen and acknowledge it.
The trumpet's notes ring out, and I, must listen.