Paso A Paso

It's quiet. The silence wraps around me, friendly and warm.
I wonder how many days of silence it will take before I grow cold to it again?
It takes silence for contemplation to come.

Here I am again, after a whirlwind. After a needed break.
Here I am again, and a whole new adventure has begun. A new life has opened up suddenly, and at moments I am nearly breathless from it, at moments I am in awe. God has moved powerfully, and directed my steps anew. Prayers, deep ones, have been answered.

In January, in the midst of desperation, of heartbreak, of soul searching, I wrote down eight goals to work towards. Eight changes for positive steps, eight things that needed work. Eight goals.
Then life happened. I worked, I studied, I wrestled. For two dark months, I was in depression, I was facing darkness, and I felt like my life was going nowhere fast.

But prayers were being lifted, on my behalf. Many people were praying.

And I kept working, kept taking steps. Baby steps, one at at time. Paso a paso.

And God began to work, changing my heart. God began to give me strength, began to show me the beams of sunshine just beginning to show on the horizon.

I counted gifts, found the sunshine, and slowly it began to filter that God was there in the darkness, that He was there in the night, and that He had given light instead of darkness, and day instead of night. Slowly I felt His love again, slowly I believed His goodness again.

God is so good. All the time.

Finally, in April, I remembered that list of eight goals. I pulled them out again and looked at them and was astonished that all of them were either accomplished, or had a solid plan in place to accomplish them.

Step by step they had been met, step by step things had changed, and step by step my heart is being made whole again. Gods grace has been visibly evident. God's love has been showered down. And God's provision has been made manifest.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow
Praise Him all creatures here below
Praise Him above ye, heavenly hosts
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost

Ebenezer

Wow. The last couple of evenings, I've spent re-reading much of my blog. I've read most of the published posts, and some unpublished ones as well. I've remembered thoughts and circumstances which lead to thoughts which led to the writings here. And I've been amazed.

What an ebenezer, this blog is.
And it is a good thing for me to see this ebenezer, this stone of remembrance.

An ebenezer is a stone raised in a certain place, so when others see it they can ask what it stands for, and can hear and remember the stories it represents. Ebenezers of God's grace and goodness and mercy.

In the path and rush of life, it is so incredibly easy to forget these mercies and graces and answered prayers. Its so easy to forget the thousands of blessings and gifts. It is necessary to remember these things. Its necessary to look back and see the beauty of God's presence.

I used to keep a prayer journal, and go back periodically to date when things happened or prayers were answered. It was amazing to see it in black and white. Now I am looking back at this story, and am amazed at the views I've seen and the miracles that have happened.

God is ever good.
God is ever present.
Here I raise my ebenezer. My stone of remembrance for all He has done.

Peace and Reflection

The following quotes are from two different devotionals given to me the last week. I've begun reading them daily, and found both meaningful and pertinent for today.

From Jesus Calling by Sarah Young:

"My peace is the treasure of treasures: the pearl of great price. It is an exquisitely costly gift, both for the Giver and the receiver. I purchased this Peace for you with My blood. You receive this gift by trusting Me in the midst of life's storms. If you have the world's peace-everything going your way-you don't seek My unfathomable Peace. Thank Me when things do not go your way, because spiritual blessings come wrapped in trials. Adverse circumstances are normal in a fallen world. Expect them each day. Rejoice in the face of hardship, for I have overcome the world. Matthew 13:46, James 1:2, John 16:33"

And from My Utmost For His Highest by Oswald Chambers:

Transformed By Insight

"2 Corinthians 3:18 We all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image.

The outstanding characteristic of a Christian is this unveiled frankness before God so that the life becomes a mirror for other lives. By being filled with the Spirit we are transformed, and by beholding we become mirrors. You always know when a man has been beholding the glory of the Lord; you feel in your inner spirit that he is the mirror of the Lord's own character. Beware of anything which would sully that mirror in you; it is nearly always a good thing, the good that is not the best.  The golden rule for your life and mine is this concentrated keeping of the life open towards God. Let everything else-work, clothes, food, everything on earth-go by the board, saving that one thing. The rush of other things always tends to obscure this concentration on God. We have to maintain ourselves in the place of beholding, keeping the life absolutely spiritual all through. Let other things come and go as they may, let other people criticize as they will, but never allow anything to obscure the life that is hid with Christ in God. Never be hurried out of the relationship of abiding in Him. It is the one thing that is apt to fluctuate but it ought not to. The severest discipline of a Christian's life is to learn how to keep "beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord." "

The first one about peace is significant because I have been seeking peace in my heart and life. And I am discovering that perhaps peace is through trusting, and trusting is through faith, and faith is by living what you know to be true.
The second one is how that peace from God is shown to others. The light in us is a mirror of God in our heart. How we keep that mirror clear so God can be seen by others is by opening our heart toward God and not towards all the other things around us like the food, clothes or other things. The other things cause our mirror to be fogged up. I want others to look at me and behold in the glass the glory of the Lord, to see the peace and love in me.
Part of this journey.

Do I Want Jesus?

"I want you Jesus."
I stared at the words I had just written, black ink on cream colored paper, the script lovely there. I stared and prayed, and searched my heart and wondered.
Do I really want Jesus? Do I want that gift of sacrifice in my heart? Do I want that joy? Do I want that peace? Do I want that difficult journey, that hard life of following Him? Do I want that freedom, that love always present? Do I? And do I have the commitment to keep on following during the dark days, when I can't see one step ahead? Do I trust that He will lead me? I have faith His way is good? What is His way? Of following principles of living righteously before God and man, of showing love to others, of giving ourselves selflessly to His will and service. Yes, and I committed to die for Him. I thought I could hold to my faith enough to die for it.
Is a form of dying for your faith dying to wants in favor of principle?
Jesus, the sacrifice of love. Jesus, the one who brings wholeness and wellness and fills our hearts and minds. Jesus, who died, so I might live.
Every day Christ comes. We accept salvation at a pivotal moment perhaps, and it becomes "the" moment in our minds when we became saved, when we became Christian. Mine is June 26th. But faith is an every day affair. Somehow, you are required each day to continue to live with faith and trust. Every day you must accept the salvation. Christ comes every day to save you and me.
This moment, this day, I accept the salvation of Christ. I receive the love of Christ in my heart, and remember my baptism that signified a change in me, signified a cleansed heart. Today I renew a life lived for Christ, a life lived following Jesus.
And I am grateful for this joy, this gift. The salvation of my soul from Hell. The salvation of my soul from the darkness that pervades us, surrounding us.
The gift of God for the people of God. Thanks be to God.


Father of grace, You’ve sacrificed
Your only Son for us, the crucified Jesus
Enlarge our hearts to love Your Son
O grant to us the grace to walk with Him always
To make Him our great delight 
Bringing worship with our lives 

Chorus
Only Jesus! Only Jesus! 
Give us Jesus, we cry
Only Jesus! Only Jesus!
The Pearl of greatest price

Verse 2
Spirit of grace, You’ve shed Your light
Upon our darkened eyes, unveiling Jesus Christ
Come change our hearts, conform our ways
To honor Jesus’ Name, His glory our refrain
Let His love compel our own 
As we worship at His throne

Bridge
Jesus, our great Savior,
Lord of heaven, Son of God 

Christmas Graciousness

Today is the eve before Christmas. And its the biggest day of celebration for our family.
I've been purposely counting hidden gifts today as often as I can. I'm so tired and stretched thin, that any gratefulness I can offer for things given to me from God is precious and welcome.

Its helped me immensely. So much so, that in this moment of quietness, I decided to blog about it. These hidden gifts still have not made it to my camera, but its a certain step in the right direction to at least record them here, if not on my other blog, A Thousand Hidden Gifts in photo form.

First off, today I have been enjoying some Christmas music sent by family or friends to my Spotify lists. I love that we can see what others are listening to and that they think of things to share. Dubstep is fun, and so is a song that brought back lovely memories from a highschool choral choir I was part of. Music for the soul. Music reflects and guides our souls so much more than we would admit or realize, I think. And now I am listening to a fun Christmas playlist I put together of unique renditions of traditional songs. Love!

Next up I was enjoying the creativity of making a salad for Mom. The lettuce was such pretty colors of green and purple with all different textures. We had several different kinds to choose from. Then I grated orange carrots, chopped yellow pepper, and added red tomatoes. Black olives and green cucumbers will be added later for even more beauty and deliciousness. It made me happy to notice the colors and textures, and enjoy the rainbow in the glass salad bowl. Not to mention hungry. For a change.

This evening is the pinnacle of family celebration. First we cook and cook and cook together. Then we get dressed up and go to our church where Dad has a beautiful communion service. Then we come home and put dinner on the table. Dinner includes huge amounts of nice food, perhaps some wine, dessert, coffee, and chocolate. We eat by candlelight and use china and silver and take our time. There are often letters to open from each other or other reminiscences.  After dinner, we gather in the living room where we open presents. Paper explodes everywhere and laughter and chatter is abundant. Everyone is warm and full and a little sleepy and in good moods and eager to give their gifts first.

This is where things have changed more recently. We used to spend the rest of the evening watching A Muppet Christmas Carol. Every year. We can all quote it, and we love it. But the past few years we've been going to church for the 11pm service, which means we don't reach home until 1 or after. So this year, we've decided to do the movie on Christmas. It won't be the same, but at least it'll still happen. Its not Christmas until we watch that movie!

We also always listen to the Kings College Nine Lessons in Carols radio broadcast from Britain  This year if we miss it on the radio, I've found it online. The most meaningful carol is Once In Royal Davids City.

Our new tradition is going to the Episcopal church to their last evening service. They have a glorious choir and music and organ. And its beautiful and simple and candlelit. We leave, hearts bursting with the gift of Christ, humbled by the events leading up to it, hopeful of His return.

So now I am resting before all the celebrating begins, and writing out the graciousness I have noticed and received with thanksgiving today. And looking forward to those not yet received, but promised.

My heart begins to see the Christ who is here every day, offering gifts of unmerited love, offering grace and strength and hope.

Love that never ends.

Blessed Christmas.

Disgusting Materialism

The past month or so I have been struck by materialism. And as the holiday season begins, it really causes me to notice it more and more. The materialism is just sickening to me.

I used to be just like the next one, and had lists of things I wanted for Christmas, or went shopping and wanted the things I saw. I was never brand loyal or interested in the latest technology or newest versions of things, but there was always something else I needed to be happy or live better.

Perhaps its because I spent the summer in an area of the world where they live with a much lower standard of living. Seeing people live joyously on so little puts things into perspective. Watching someone take crusts and leftovers off people's plates in a restaurant suddenly makes you want to clean your plate at home. Meeting little children who are hungry suddenly makes black Friday shopping seem much less...necessary.

Why do we do this? What does all the stuff even mean? Does it really make you happy to know that you have the latest $600 phone? Is it really a necessity? Does it really make you feel better about yourself to buy loads of new, shiny things? Things are meaningless. Things will go out of style, get broken or look less shiny. Things have a way of fading away, and then you can't remember what you even owned or had.

It all just makes me so disappointed to see people spending so much money and time on what lasts for moments or is quickly forgotten. We have things so backwards, and no one seems to realize, but rush on to the next item, or stand in line at the next sale to get the item that will make them happier or look better. And no one knows why, it seems. The money we spend on things for ourselves or our children...a fraction of that is someone else's daily living. And what are we spending it on?

The materialism is a problem when it grows so out of proportion with everything else, that it overshadows what is really important. How do you put into perspective what is necessary vs. what is superfluous?

I keep thinking of the line, "you can't take it with you." and I wonder, what happens to all the time spent on these things, when we die? What about all the money we've wasted? How is that accounted for when we're dead? What good did we do Steve Jobs by buying the newest version of the same product over and over again? What good did we do ourselves? And in the end, what did it all matter, really.

And then I think of the millions of people who just barely survive, much less worry about whether they have the things we deem necessary in our culture. Cable tv and internet on our cellphones. Some don't even have heated houses, or sufficient clothing. Not to mention decent food or water.

I'm generally feeling disgusted by it all, and especially this Christmas season. In the rush of buying, the flurry of making lists for Santa, I just want to sit back and say, so what? Where's it getting us, who is it helping, and who are we harming with all this STUFF. Stuff that will burn away and can disappear in moments. And leave us with....what becomes the essentials. Things like relationships, like character, like intangibles that will never be burned away or stolen. And this season to remember and celebrate Jesus' beginnings...I'm not sure the Jesus I know would be thrilled by what its turned into. Worshipful gratefulness for the gift of salvation, for what He ultimately came to do...by buying?

I find materialism disgusting. Things don't impress me. Let me see your passion, your life, your inner self. Those things will always be there, no matter what. I don't want to live with all this stuff. I don't want to be defined by it, I don't want my money wasted on it. I know we need certain things to live, but all those extras...what if we went without and gave the money to someone else?

I grew up during an extremely hard time in our family. We had many nice, new things, but compared to everyone else around us, we had nothing. I remember Christmas' with a new toy. A present from my parents. And it did a world of good for me. I never regret growing up with less than my friends. It gave me so much to be grateful for. It gave me so much awareness of what is really necessary to happiness. And it wasn't heaps of things.

Oh Jesus! Help us see that Your love is the ultimate important, necessary thing! Help us to put into perspective the things that attract us so, help us to use the gifts you have given us to show your love to others instead of selfishly thinking of ourselves. Forgive us for losing ourselves in things. With all my heart, I pray. Amen.
 

A Heap of Blessings

My blog has been silent for quite some time. The aventura de la vida has been taking up every moment, with no time for writing the past couple of weeks. But now I have a chance to catch my breath and think again. And write.

Through all the busy times, there have been so many things for which to give thanks. Here are a few of them:

• My brother who lives in Canada flew down with my niece for a surprise visit! His wife has joined us now, so we get to enjoy catching up after not seeing them for 2 years, and not at home for 5!
• My niece, Ella, laughing and playing with Papa (my Dad). 
• A weekend in Georgia with my best friends, going to a fantastic party and hanging out with some wonderful people.
• A crazy Thanksgiving with sudden out of town guests, pulling together a Thanksgiving meal, and laughing at the table with my grandparents who were giving wedding advice. 
• Decorating and preparing for The Wedding with my sister and brother and listening to the Beatles. 
• The fun of two families who joined together to make a memorable and sweet wedding. Working together, laughing together, and eating together!
• A precious moment or two with my sister, right before the wedding ceremony. 

Family is one of the most important things to me. These moments with family are the moments I will always remember. 

Reflecting

I'm feeling kind of quiet and reflective. I've had a lot going on the past few weeks, and its all coming to a point soon. I've been mulling over some things and looking back and rethinking. Its draining and exhilarating at the same time. One of those moments when the next breath might change your course, never to return and make a new decision.
In the midst I keep trudging on with every day tasks and thoughts, and take out these others during repose or moments of respite.

I've been thinking of re-reading my blog and journals. Every year, near the start of the new year I like to look behind at where I've come from in order to gain some perspective of where I might be going. The path behind is often indicative of things that are patterns or directions that might be missed if we never reviewed them. Its time for this review, time to take stock and see where I am and who I am.

Somehow, the girl who started out this year feels so different than the one ending it. I'm almost afraid to look at who she was, and cringe a little at what I might see. I hope its a better version of Katie at the end of the year than at the beginning. I hope its a deeper and more mature Katie, one showing growth and change in a positive way.

There have been so many adventures, so many dark places, and yet a lot of light, too. I feel like I climbed a mountain, took in the view, and now...what's next? Coming off the mountain top experience can be sort of like getting the breath knocked out of you. But it is a view everyone should experience and remember vividly. Its a vision, really, of where we should be aiming to live. A big picture viewpoint.

So as this year winds down, I begin to reflect and revisit places in the path, ebenezers and markers, to see where I've been, and catch a glimpse of where I'm going.

Most of all I want to follow Jesus. Where ever that might lead.

Peaceful Sleep

I curl up in my lovely bed, and muscles begin to relax into the softness of the sheets and the warmth of the blankets. Pillows billow everywhere, and my eyes close slowly and I float away into blissful oblivion.

I'm so lucky to have this soft bed. And pillows. And blankets. And sheets, smelling of wind and sun. When I lie here, letting them soothe and calm me, I am blessed beyond measure.

Just as I close my eyes, the sleep starts pulling, my body starts resting, and my brain starts running. But gradually it too calms, and then my thoughts float freely and I float, too. Then all I know is dreams and a deep, peaceful darkness.

I like to snuggle deep under the covers, with only the tip of my nose poking out for fresh air. I like thin, flat pillows that I can move and pummel. I like the security of a thick blanket or quilt protecting me from the cold, and I like the deliciousness of waking up slowly.

Peaceful sleep. I wish everyone a peaceful, deep sleep that is uninterrupted and completely refreshing. It is a luxury. Peaceful in quietness, peaceful in safety, peaceful in repose and peaceful in nothing to worry or cause anxiety.

Sueños conmigo. Dream with me. Dream together. Dream of the joys and impossible things. Dreaming is fascinating and lovely, and I often dream something so real that when I wake, I think it is not a dream. Or its so lovely, that I wake but try to keep the dream a little longer. I hate for it to disappear and become reality again.

Peaceful sleep, breath coming slowly and rhythmically, body perfectly relaxed.

Sueños conmigo esta noche. Dream with me this night.

To Run Without Stumbling

Almighty and merciful God, it is only by your gift that your faithful people offer you true and laudable service: Grant that we may run without stumbling to obtain your heavenly promises; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen. (BCP)

To run without stumbling.  How may we run without stumbling? How may we focus on the path and on the goal and manage to still run, full speed ahead and not stumble?
How may we run to obtain the heavenly promises? 

To run without stumbling has been in my mind all day. Between the everyday things I have been doing, and the conversations I've had, between eating, showering, sitting and staring at my computer, the phrase has been in the background, and my mind has been wondering and thinking about it. 

To run without stumbling. Oh how I want to run without stumbling. To run, muscles working, breath fast and bursting my lungs. To run, feet hitting pavement with a firm and steady slap, steady and eating up miles. Running towards the heavenly promises. To run the rocky terrain, never missing a step, never stumbling, never falling. Racing for the prize. 

Almighty and merciful God, grant that we may run without stumbling to obtain your heavenly promises.

Sign of Christ

Everywhere you look, there are signs of Christ's love.
Every story whispers His name.

Even when you do not think of Him, or notice it for yourself, He is there. Christ's love is already enveloping you, waiting for you to accept it and feel it.

A Journey of Faith

Faith. Like a mustard seed, so tiny it is lost in the palm of your hand. And yet this is the chosen symbol from Jesus' mountain sermon. The people gathered there looked around them on that rocky hill and understood, for all around them were the mustard plants. It was imagery that was fresh, that used pieces of their reality. It was imagery that symbolized that a small insignificant seed could produce a tree, a miracle to be reckoned with. A symbol of the kingdom of God.

A journey of faith can be just as doubtful as looking at that mustard seed. It can be impossible at times to look at that seed and really believe it will produce anything worthwhile. That anything will come of it.

I am in that doubting moment. I doubt that the seed of the calling God has spoken in me will really come to anything. I doubt that water will come and sun will come and nutrients will come to bring that seed to fruition. I doubt that money will come to pay for what it requires to follow Jesus. I doubt that ministry will open up, that strength to follow through will be found. I doubt that these God-given dreams which I cannot escape will become reality to be reckoned with.

But I was reminded today of the journey so far. Remembering where I've been, where I came from, the innocent and unsuspecting beginnings. The beginnings that gave no hint of what was going to happen next.

My whole life has been woven and spun with graces and mercies. With strengths and unasked for provisions to accomplish what I did not suspect I would even ever do or become. Throughout, it has been intertwined with the golden sparkles of God's love and gifts.

And yet I sit here doubting.

If I have been called to something, if a ministry or mission has been given to me, if I am made for greater things, how could I think that I was then expected to achieve it on my own? Foolish thought! But a very real and even disquieting one.

Faith, looking into the spiritual dimension to see what God says about a matter, and then doing it.
Faith, believing that somehow, someway, God will move and the impossible will be possible.
Faith, hanging on and refusing to give up, refusing to accept the second rate offering.

Faith is stepping out, even with no idea of where that step will take us. Faith is not being discouraged when the rain feels late, when the knots are big, when the way is long.

Faith is a journey, I am learning. A journey towards living in peace and quietness, fearlessly trusting that God, who sends you, will also arrange for the message to be delivered. That God, who is weaving the story, who is controlling the threads, knows the pattern. That God knows when the rain and when the sun is needed.

Hebrews 11:1-3 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for. By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible. 

A Collection

I'm staring at my screen, my brain racing and attempting to collect my thoughts. Writing is relaxing to me, and I am needing to wind down from a busy day and crazy week and organize some thoughts and bring the adrenaline rush down.

And so, a collection of thoughts.

Collections kind of fascinate me. I wondered why people do it, and then I realized I have collections, too. But the thing I think about most is tiny collections. Some people collect a certain item or subject until they have hundreds or thousands.

And some collect until they have three or four. They choose carefully, and wait until just the thing comes along that draws out the beauty from inside them and reminds them of it whenever they see it. Something special and because there are so few of them, they can actually get to know each piece well and recognize each part.

That's what fascinates me, the tiny collections. The big ones become unwieldy  and you can't have them all out and loved without losing something in the masses.

Maybe its because I tend to be a detail sort of person, and like to get to know each detail well. Too much makes it hard to do that, and I get overwhelmed and frustrated.

I have been struggling with a lot of things lately, but one of them is school. Ever since my summer off (ok, it was way before then...but we will say thats when it started) its been difficult to find the groove of studying again. Finally this week I feel like I've had a breakthrough and have made progress in three areas. The first area, the one I felt most encouraged about, was math. A good and patient friend sat down with me on Saturday and helped me conquer some real problems. Hooray for people who actually understand math! Math feels like mind games to me. Hopefully not too much longer until I will be finished with this! The second area was the current examination I am preparing for. I finally took a practice test and found I am not too far from being ready! After nearly a month, its about time. And then there's Spanish, which fills my heart with delight. I'm still throwing Spanish out there randomly to poor folks who do not understand, but smile politely anyway.

Which leads me to another random thought of the day. Last night, during a late night run to Burger King (I know, I know, I didn't choose the location, okay?) I noticed two Latino families eating dinner together. It was all I could do to contain myself and not go over and start talking like some gringa loca. I had to keep reminding myself that they didn't know me, and would probably NOT be as excited to talk to me as I was to talk to them. I did do a bit of eavesdropping just to enjoy the music of their language.

And that reminds me...its now been two months since I returned home from South America, and the culture shock is just beginning to wear off. I still have moments when I look around and suddenly wonder why there are so many gringos, or moments when I start speaking Spanish randomly, or moments when all the stuff we have and the way we live just overwhelms me. I wonder what it'd be like if I had lived there longer...And in one way I don't want it to ever wear off.

Anyway, just a collection of thoughts bouncing around my head and off my fingertips.

Accepting The Gift

Sunday I attended a large church service to celebrate and welcome a new bishop in our conference of United Methodist churches. It was a beautiful service, full of meaning and symbols, full of worshipful beauty. The pentacle of the service came towards the end, when we were celebrating holy communion together. All I remember is the beautiful music, of voice and organ. It was music that lifted higher as it went on, voices raised upward toward the One they were worshiping. They worshiped with excellence and thoughtfulness.

The music lead us toward the front, and we walked quietly, taking it slowly and holding our hands in readiness to receive the gift of Christ's body and blood. I remember the line of people ahead of me, each eager to be there, looking for a place, and all with hands held out, palms open to receive what God has offered. There is a beauty in that symbolism, if anyone takes a moment to recognize it. Christ was a gift to us, a gift beyond comprehension. And we can receive that gift, as if we deserved it. We offer our hands, out stretched and palms upward to accept the gift offered, to feel the bread given, a symbol of Christ's body. To accept the bread and dip it in the cup that represents Christ's blood.

I saw it all in a flash, a moment in time as I stood in line to receive my gift. My gift of redemption, my gift of freedom from the sin that causes me such heartache. My gift of a relationship with Christ. My gift of experiencing the kingdom of God here and now. My gift of grace.

And everyone, together, received this gift.We did not pluck it from the hands of the giver. We did not grasp it and take it from His hands by force.

We waited until it was placed there. We waited until it was given. Just as there were thousands of years between the promise to Abraham, and the fulfillment of Jesus, we waited, time suspended until the gift was given, and we accepted it and it entered us and Christ entered us, and we tasted the ground wheat and the crushed grapes.

That was the pentacle of the service Sunday. That we accepted the gift given to us. The gift of Christ is accepted every time we accept communion. We experience the grace of Christ's love and power every time we accept communion.

Beautiful.

Let us accept the gift always.

Take The Next Step

I've been considering a lot of things lately. There are a lot of things going on, a lot of options ahead, and a path that is at a fork in the road. Its time to camp for a bit and look at a map.

I've been trying to figure out what to do next, and struggling a bit with where I am, and which way to turn. These struggles are good, but it can be hard sometimes to figure out who you are and where you are and where you're going next. Its part of the journey, a necessary part. And I've been watching and looking for answers and directions.

Over and over, whenever I've taken time to stop and listen, or pay attention to the message being presented to me, it seems to be saying the same thing. Take the next step. And always there is a reminder that I don't know where that next step will ultimately lead, and I do not know what the step after next will be and when. All I know is I have to take a step, and not worry about the rest.

Just do the next thing. Take the next step. Trust God that He will shine the spotlight on what to do next.

Only Jesus!

Father of grace, You’ve sacrificed
Your only Son for us, the crucified Jesus
Enlarge our hearts to love Your Son
O grant to us the grace to walk with Him always
To make Him our great delight 
Bringing worship with our lives 

Only Jesus! Only Jesus! 
Give us Jesus, we cry
Only Jesus! Only Jesus!
The Pearl of greatest price

Spirit of grace, You’ve shed Your light
Upon our darkened eyes, unveiling Jesus Christ
Come change our hearts, conform our ways
To honor Jesus’ Name, His glory our refrain
Let His love compel our own
As we worship at His throne

Jesus, our great Savior,
Lord of heaven, Son of God


By Doug Plank "Only Jesus", Valley of Vision. 

Unplugged

The value of silence is often overlooked these days. It's such a busy world. Time for silence and quiet in which to just be and think becomes rarer and rarer. The world keeps turning, and the rush never ends.
I don't mean just the absence of sound around me when I speak of silence. I mean a place of minimized distraction, where thought can occur and echo around in heart and mind. Where there is not another place to be, another person to reply to, another task to accomplish. The silence of a world at a slower pace.
I have been craving the silence of a world at a slower pace. My life has been jam packed. I've loved every minute of it, but it's not a state of being I wish to remain in forever.

I want to unplug.

So this summer that's what I'm going to do. I'm not going to text, facebook, or tweet. I'm going to take time to sit and enjoy the silence.
Perhaps the silence will allow me to write, to read, to focus on the people in the same room with me, instead of the ones on the screen.

I'm sure it'll be a bit of a culture shock to go from constant on-the-go-electronic-connection to a life of no replies, re-tweets, or text messages. But I'm curious about how it's going to turn out. Will I miss it? Will I find something better? Will being unplugged make it too hard to be in relationship with others?
It's an experiment I am anxious to try.

I hope the silence will lead me toward Christ, toward hearing the whisper of His voice in my heart. I hope it leads me toward a more thoughtful existence, toward deeper relationships instead of shallow ones that never move beyond a "like" now and then. I hope the silence will grow new thoughts and new ideas and greater creativity.

So if I'm a little quieter in the coming weeks, know that I'm just being silent, soaking in the world around me, and taking time to notice and think about things I can see and hear and touch, rather than a screen of virtual life.  I want the real deal, and I'm taking a bold step to see if it still exists.

Unplugged.

Healing

A broken heart. I know how it feels. I know the intense pain so deep and strong. At times barely able to breathe. At times blinded, vision blurred with the force of the pain. Reeling from a roller-coaster of emotions and memories. A broken heart, a thousand pieces, and shards within causing internal bleeding.

Oh yes. A broken heart, with darkness all around. And thinking there is no hope- thinking the pain would be present forever.

And then slowly, like a cool soothing balm, God's Spirit touches that brokenness. Touches and heals, putting the pieces back together, making it whole again. God's finger, writing joy back into our hearts and lives.

It reminds me of the broken heart of Christ, when rejected at crucifixion. His was a heart broken from rejection from His Father. His was a heart broken because of the mistakes and evil things thought and acted by others. His broken heart made possible the healing of our hearts. His heart, resurrected, allows our hopes to be resurrected as well.

A broken heart can seem so impossible to put together from the many bits and pieces. But the Creator of the universe can create anew our souls. He creates a new heart from the pain, a new soul. And where the cracks were is made stronger and more unified than ever possible before. And how do we get this healing?
It's simple. We ask.
We ask and we receive.

I know of healing. I know at times it creeps along slowly. One atom at a time, one vessel at a time until a whole organ, a whole soul is revealed. I know that healing has to be asked for, and worked toward, sometimes. We ask for it, and it is simple. We allow Christ to heal us. I know that it is real.

Healing will come.
Broken hearts remade.
Broken lives restored.
Broken worlds made new.

Why? Because God heals. And that is sure. Something to hang on to during everything.

It's true. I know. Because it is happening to me.



~

Psalm 30:1-12
I will extol you, O Lord, for you have drawn me up, and did not let my foes rejoice over me.
O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you have healed me.
O Lord, you brought up my soul from Sheol, restored me to life from among those gone down to the Pit.
Sing praises to the Lord, O you his faithful ones, and give thanks to his holy name.
For his anger is but for a moment; his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may linger for the night, but joy comes with the morning.
As for me, I said in my prosperity, "I shall never be moved."
By your favor, O Lord, you had established me as a strong mountain; you hid your face; I was dismayed.
To you, O Lord, I cried, and to the Lord I made supplication:
"What profit is there in my death, if I go down to the Pit? Will the dust praise you? Will it tell of your faithfulness?
Hear, O Lord, and be gracious to me! O Lord, be my helper!"
You have turned my mourning into dancing; you have taken off my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
so that my soul may praise you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever.

2 Kings 5:1-14
The story of Naaman, asking for healing.

1 Corinthians 9:24-27
Running to win the race.

Mark 1:40-45
The leper is healed.

Philippians 4:8

Whatsoever things are...

Pure.
Lovely.
Virtuous.
Of good report.
Honest.
True.
Just.
Praiseworthy.

I would like to be a whatsoever.

Like this:
Whatsoever true: Katie. Whatsoever pure: Katie. Whatsoever just: Katie.

This is what I am striving for. Letting these fruit of the spirit, these indications of Christ show so others can see it and know I am His.

Whatsoever is honest, lovely, pure, true, just, praiseworthy. What ever is these things...think on them.

And in thinking on these things, life suddenly turns into something a little happier and a little sweeter. Because you're thinking of pure, lovely, honest, true, just, praiseworthy things.

On Being Single

Hi. I’m Katie, and I have a dream world. It includes a husband to cook for, to help, and make happy. A family with a new name for me, and a life with my man, together serving the Lord as we fulfill His calling on our life. A man and his woman, in a dreamy little house, having dreamy little children. Working together, living together, and laughing and dancing in the living room, and sitting down to our own table. A fire in the fireplace on cozy nights at home, grand adventures as we travel with little ones in tow. This is my dream for the adventure of life.

This is what I think about. That picture, of a smiling, happy little family all my own, with pink haze around the edge framing the faces still blurry.

Blurry because it is not real- yet. It’s a dream. A perfect little dream world.

This who Katie really is: a single girl, working part time and going to school full time. An occasional weekend away with friends, coffee shop runs when I feel like it. A girl with time to travel the world and see new places, time to dabble in hobbies, and focus on ministries I’m passionate about. The world is open and before me and I can do anything and go anywhere. This is today. This is Katie. This is Katie’s rich and full and vibrant life- today.

Today is all I really know. I remember yesterdays, and imagine tomorrows, but today is reality. Today is what I can count on, and the life of today is what I must focus on. I can’t spend my time and energy in my dream world, living on pink clouds of what-ifs. Today is sitting at a desk and typing up attendance reports. Today is spending cozy evenings at home studying for a degree. Today is noticing the real people I really know and being present and active in their lives. Faces sharp and clear around me, not blurry from the unknown of dreams. Today is the real deal.

I’m working right now on becoming balanced and healthy in how I view where I am in life versus what I wish I was doing in life. I can’t say I’m there yet, but I am re-training my heart and mind to be content with today, with living right where I am. And living happily and creatively and vividly there. Not just slogging through, wishing and waiting to begin to live the day a golden band is slipped on my finger.

Its easy to think of those pink what-ifs, and to think that today is worthless because it doesn't include those dreams and ideas. But I'm finding this is false thinking. Where I am, my quiet life, is an adventure of life worth living. I have so many good things from God right here, right now. So many people to know and love, so much He would have me do. It's wrong of me to become unhappy because it doesn't match my fantasy dream world.

I am not giving up that dream of husband and family. Of picking up toys and socks, washing endless dishes, making soup in the crock-pot and the adventure of the grocery store being the highlight of the week. I'm not giving it up, but I'm putting a frame of "one day" around it, and standing back to put it into the perspective of today's bigger picture. The picture of where I really am, and the joys and happinesses I have right now, right here.

"I am still determined to be cheerful and to be happy in whatever situation I may be, for I have also learnt from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions and not upon our circumstances"- Martha Washington

"Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." - Apostle Paul, Philippians 4:11