40 Days of Lent: Journal Entry #1

Who am I?
The word prompt for this photo.

A question I am struggling with and thinking about a lot these days. Who am I? There are so many people eager to define for me who I am, who have opinions or thoughts on who I should be, or how I might look, or what I might be made of. Its confusing and I strive to find myself in all the babble.

Who am I? As I contemplated this phrase and how to picture it, I began to think of where I am these days, the brokenness I am facing and feeling every moment. I feel all edges and smashed in sharp pieces. I am the broken pottery. I am the pieces of something...

I chose these pieces of pottery because they are pieces I dug up two years ago in Israel at first century level. I remember the careful digging, centimeter by centimeter or even less, by brushes or tiny tools. Even these pieces, these broken bits were carefully handled, carefully brushed out of the dirt and carefully lifted away from the dust where it had lain for centuries.

This pottery is dated to the period of time that Jesus lived in that region. The imagination can take off, inviting all sorts of speculation of what sort of vessel it was part of, and what it held. And whether it was used by Jesus. And yet here these same pieces lay in my hand so many thousands of years later.

Broken pieces. Scattered shards.

They are broken now. But that does not mean they can not be repaired.

Each piece we dug up on that archaeology site was carefully numbered, drawn and eventually glued back into place, back together with other pieces until it formed the original vessel again. What was broken was made whole again.

Who am I? Broken pottery. Broken and waiting to be repaired again.

Just Katie

Who am I?
Deep down inside, where the heart pumps, sending blood coursing through my veins?
What are my dreams when I close my eyes? What are my hopes, my fancies, my wildest imaginings? And how do they fit with this body I live in, this humanity that covers my soul?
Who is this person, and what are her goals, and where is she going?

And so I begin a questioning and serious thinking as I try to define even more who I am. More blogging will come from this. I've begun already a little the past few days. But more ideas of who I am will come trickling up from the depths.

I'm thinking of my future and where it might be going.
I'm dreaming of my home and lifestyle and way of doing life.
I'm imagining different paths to take.
I'm examining my passions and joys.
I'm captivating these glimpses and putting to words what I see.

Some things may appear here. Some will be written on my heart, for others to discover later.

Who am I?
Just Katie.

A Lesson From My Best Friend

This is a nice memory from Bolivia. Cisia was one of my best friends there, and so sweet. She and I had a special relationship and I miss her very much. My hermanita and I could get into a lot of trouble together, believe me!

Cisia taught me to ride motorbikes the Bolivian way, whistling for a taxi, and hopping aboard side saddle, with my groceries in my lap.

One thing that Cisia taught me, was that mission is beyond evangelism and holding Bible schools and building buildings. She helped me see that it is discipleship, and that a relationship is much more important. No one can measure the relationship between Cisia and I, and what may come of it in the future. But the time spent with her was invaluable, and she taught me a lot, without even realizing she was doing so.

My first lesson in discipleship.

Something I am pondering, for sure.

Unworthy Servants

Luke 17: 7-10
"Will any one of you who has a servant plowing or keeping sheep say to him when he has come in from the field, 'Come at once and recline at table'? Will he not rather say to him, 'Prepare supper for me, and dress properly, and serve me while I eat and drink, and afterward you will eat and drink'? Does he thank the servant because he did what was commanded? So you also when you have done all that you were commanded, say, 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty.'"

I read this verse this week and was struck by it. I don't recall reading it before, but it really made me think of the myriad of things I do, expecting to be thanked. Things that are really just in the line of duty. Things that God just expects of me.

Loving my neighbor, serving others, training my heart toward peacefulness and upright godliness are expected things as the servant of God. And yet, these things are sometimes what I'm looking to be thanked for, or looking for pats on the back for accomplishing. In reality, they are things expected of a follower of Christ. In reality, they are part of the character, part of the role of a servant of God.

Sometimes, I think when I do something for God, I expect Him to be smiling and pleased with me, when I should be just thinking about it as being in the line of duty. At work, my boss does not thank me for accomplishing certain tasks. Sometimes those tasks are tedious or difficult to accomplish, but it is expected I do them, and do them well. I do not get extra thanks for them. It's my job to make sure the tasks are finished.

Doing hard things in my life, holding myself to a high standard, and keeping my heart loving and open to God's leading is what is expected of a Christ follower. I should not expect anything from these things, other than knowing that this is how it's supposed to work, how it's supposed to be in the kingdom of God. After all, I am God's unworthy servant, undeserving of anything. His love is what has redeemed me, His forgiveness has made me whole.

Something I've been mulling over this week.

Surpassing Power

2 Corinthians 4:7-10

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.

Afflicted,

not crushed.

Perplexed,

not driven to despair.

Persecuted,

not forsaken.

Struck down,

not destroyed.

Because the surpassing power belongs to God,

not us.

A promise we can remember,

not forgotten.

Food Is Essential, I'm Finding

I've been learning about the importance of eating lately. Now, this may seem elementary to most people, and something that others would say "duh!" when I bring it up. But I've learned it's really, really important to eat. Like, really.
For me, eating has been a struggle for some time. I just really don't like to do it. I like to talk about food, and talk about eating, but when it comes right down to it, I tend to forget or avoid it. It's not that I want to avoid it in order to stay slim, either. I'm just lacking that lovely natural mechanism that kicks in called "hunger" that reminds me that food is essential. And when others are eating things, I'm just not as interested in it. I'm really pretty good with just one bite. I don't have to eat the whole piece in order to reach that satisfied feeling of taste. One or two bites, and I'm happy.
But I'm finding that one or two bites of food a day just won't keep me alive. I can't go for long periods of time without eating. It's a long story, but I've learned that it's really essential to eat more than a snack a day. Like, really.

The past two weeks have been all about the food. First thing in the morning, I eat. I get to work and eat, and then eat again. Then I come home and guess what? I eat again! But the impact of all that food has really taken me by surprise. The amount of energy and emotional stability it has produced has astounded me. I didn't realize I was literally starving.  I didn't realize that life cannot be maintained without proper sustenance. I didn't realize that just eating healthy food would do so much for my mood and emotions, either!

This kind of reminds me of another essential food we need: God's word, given to us by the prophets and the law through inspiration of the Holy Spirit. If I have been starving myself by not eating, then what happens when I don't read the Bible? What happens when I go long periods of time without that essential addition to my spiritual well-being? I become dry and emotional and swept along with the strongest wind of doctrine that blows.

In addition to falling into a habit of never eating, I also found myself in the habit of never reading the Bible, either. It's easier to do something else. It's easier to check my cell phone, or look at Facebook or yes, even blog than spend time storing up energy from time reading and thinking about God's word. Those essential spiritual nutrients were falling into a depleted state.

So what to do about it?

Make time to read. Make time to sit and think about what God is saying, especially when I don't feel like it. When I feel like it least, is the most important time of all to partake of the goodness in front of me.

My goal over the next few weeks is to increase the time spent listening to and reading and thinking about the message God has sent to us, which coincides with the goal to increase my food intake.

Not only will my body and mind benefit, but my soul will, also.

An Aha! Moment

During devotional time this morning two brain cells collided and thought occurred. Nearly killed me. ha!

I was thinking about loving God. And then I was thinking about Deuteronomy 6:5.

"And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength."

And then I figured it out! Using my strength for God is loving God. Using my strength to work, to live, to do things for people, being strong and using my energy well is loving God.

I decided to look at the words in my key word study Bible.
Love denotes a strong emotional attachment for and a desire to posses or be in the presence of the object of love.
Heart means the most interior. The most deepest, hidden place.
Soul means our human spirit. What makes us human. Our personality and spirit.
Might means vehemently, diligently, especially.


A strong emotional attachment. That makes me think of how it feels to be in love and want to be with that person all the time. And if you're not with them, you're thinking about them. We should feel this way about God.
And we should love God with the deepest and most interior part of us. We should love God with our whole selves. Our personalities and spirits should be an example of loving God.
We should love God vehemently and especially diligently.

Just thought I'd share a bit of what I was thinking about this morning. I like it when these aha! moments happen and it all clicks into place. :)

Small Thought, Continued

Dear Sarah,

You asked, "How does self control equal loving others?"
I have a couple thoughts on that.

First, what is self control? It's just being able to control yourself and your own actions and thoughts. You decide how you react, how you use your muscles (like your tongue) and what you're going to allow yourself to think, see, hear, or absorb. That's controlling yourself.

How does self control equal loving others?
I'm not loving my brother if I can't control my hateful tongue.
I'm not loving my sister if I allow myself to hurt her physically.
I am not loving my neighbor if I don't control my actions.
I am not loving the people around me if I insist on my way.

Self control is a hard discipline for me. I am learning slowly how to apply it to many areas of my life, but it takes constant work and vigilance.

One area that I especially get to practice self control is in the area of food. Because I have many allergies which cause serious issues, I have to constantly be self controlled with what I allow myself to eat. I'd dearly love to eat a big bowl of ice cream, but the consequences of that action will punish me. So when faced with that tempting bowl of ice cream, I have to think about how it will affect me later and how it will affect the people around me later. It's not just going to cause me problems. My problems will cause others problems, as well. It's a ripple effect.

The same is true in our relationships with others every day. My interactions may be fun and innocent or exciting at the moment, but they affect many people besides the two of us. It's hard sometimes to realize just how many people are affected by certain relationships. The consequences ripple out and sometimes are far reaching if I am not self controlled. And if there are problems, they won't be just my problems, they'll be problems for those around me as well.

Specifically when I began mulling over how self control was an exercise in self denial and loving others I was thinking about it in the realm of guys and girls and their interactions. 

Because I love my family, I am going to be self controlled in my relationships. 

Because I love the guy, I am going to be self controlled in my actions toward him. 

Because I love my future husband, I am going to be self controlled in how I allow myself to think and feel now. 

Because I love the guy's future wife, I am going to be self controlled in how I interact with him now. Perhaps the future wife is me, perhaps not. 

There is a ripple effect going on.

When I like a guy, I want very much to be near him, to talk to him, and all the things that go with being in a relationship. It feels good! It's fun! 

But it doesn't help him if I am not self controlled.

And I know it doesn't help me if he is not self controlled. It just makes it harder for me to control my feelings and actions.

Between girls and guys, true love is waiting for the things you want. True love is not giving way to how you feel at the moment and what you want during those feelings. 

True love is knowing it is best for the other person if your own wishes are controlled.

If I really love him, I am willing to deny myself what I want for his sake. I am willing to wait for the things I want. I am willing to go without what feels good for his sake.

True love is thinking about the consequences of what I want and how it will affect those around me.

Self control is thinking about the consequences of what I want and how it will affect those around me.

And that's why I think self control equals loving others.

Katie

Living Water

John 7:3-38

On the last day, that great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried out, saying, "If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink. He who believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water."

Living Water.
It was raining today, and as I was driving to work I was thinking about living water. Water brings life. It makes plants green and vibrant. It makes it strong and healthy and causes it to grow almost before our eyes. Without water the plant would die, and would certainly not grow and bloom and spread seeds.
It would just die, brown and dry and dead. No plant, no blooms, no seeds, nothing to perpetuate the plant to continue on beyond it's natural life.

Living water is water that is fresh, and clean, and moving. It has oxygen added to it from movement. It is cleaned and made pure by movement as well.
Gurgling, splashing, dripping, cool, clear water. Without water, there is no life. Water is essential.
In my life, I know how dark and depressing and confusing it would be without the rivers of Living Water flowing from my heart. Living water that only Christ can bring.

Living water refreshes us, and cleans us, and causes us to grow.
Reminds me of the water of baptism. At baptism, water is used to represent the grace of God and the Holy Spirit as He cleanses us and makes us fresh and new. We make a new start, and have a clear conscience. It's life-giving water.
The love of God is Life-Giving Water.

Sometimes I get so thirsty. All I can think of is water, with ice clinking in the glass. And when I finally get some, it tastes so good. I can feel it trickling down, filling me with coolness, and quenching the dry thirst.
This happens with Living Water, too. I get dry and doubtful, and so thirsty for hope and forgiveness to wash down and pour all over me. Living Water never dries up, and is never stale.

I remember when I was in Israel, the temperatures were easily 100F during the days when we were digging. The soil was dry and dusty, and we were hot and sweaty and thirsty. After work one day we went to a spot on the Kinneret where an underwater spring made a waterfall. It was fresh, pure, clean, and cold. It refreshed us, and washed away the dust, and re-hydrated our bodies as it washed and poured and beat down on us.

Living Water bubbles up from our hearts, it fountains out and helps us to grow and then it helps us to spread. You can't hide Living Water. It shows where it is. It makes us green, healthy, and strong. It helps us to bloom and make seeds and spread.

I am thankful for Living Water. I am thankful that there is never an end to it, and it's always there, waiting for us. Living Water that never goes dry.

We need to share our Living Water. There are thirsty people who need it. They are drying up, and dying inside. Only Living Water can revive them.

John 4:10
Jesus answered and said to her, "If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, 'Give Me a drink,' you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water."

Culturally Relevant

My sister Anna and I hung out at the mall yesterday.
And had coffee.
And also a late night conversation thanks to the coffee. But it was a good conversation and I thought I'd blog part of it.

We were discussing the culture. While shopping, we were looking at music. I noticed that all the covers to the pop CDs were so hopeless. They were dark, they were weird, they were forms of art that had no meaning or form or rule. To the artists, life was not guided by a standard of hope. It seemed scary and dark and depressing. Go check out the music in a store near you...and think about the subtle messages being sent as well as the overt ones. I was shocked.

For a while I've been a little back and forth about culture. I've been caught in the middle between two worlds. Growing up, I was the person who didn't know any band names, celebrity names, pop music, and I didn't know what was trendy or fashionable. And I didn't care. It really didn't bother me to not dress in the height of fashion. I don't think I was ever terribly strange with how I lived or looked. I just didn't spend time worrying about culture. It wasn't important to me.

Now I am much more aware of the culture. It bombards me. And I've really been thinking lately about the subliminal messages that are constantly being sent and stored in my mind and heart. Messages sent through images, through tv, through music, through advertisements. And all this culture has a way of creeping in.

For instance, there's this one particular musical artist. Apparently he's a Christian. But his music is not Christian. They're very catchy, very witty songs that he sings. They're full of fun words and images. But when I listen to them, I notice how depressing the messages are. And it clouds up my world slowly, as I am allowing this to enter my mind and heart. I'm just thinking about how this artist is cool, and how popular he is. And how this song is interesting because of the lyrics. And the sound is pretty cool, too. But slowly the messages build up, clouding my view.

When I was talking with Anna, we were discussing how we are called as Christians to share the light of Christ. We have Christ in us. He is shining in us and through us to light up the room and spread to those around us. Like fire. Christ is on a higher level. Christ should be the most important thing to us. And we were discussing how the message of the culture is like a cloud. And we allow this culture unthinkingly to change us as the messages hit us. We're mindlessly going along, doing our thing, and the culture is growing in us. It's growing in importance to us and influencing us to make choices and decisions about how we live our life. And if we don't stop and evaluate sometimes, the light will be clouded.

We spend a lot of time on the culture. We spend a lot of time learning about the newest thing, or keeping up with what everyone one else is listening to or watching or looking at. And we build the foundation of our life on it sometimes. But the things that are taking up our time are like wood, hay and stubble. And the things of Christ are like gold, silver, and precious stones.

The culture itself may not be bad or evil. The problem is when we let it change us unintentionally, and grow into an importance to us that keeps us from Christ as we allow it to define us and shape us and make decisions in ways that we are unaware.

And I don't think Christ needs the culture. I think I can be the hands and feet of Jesus without being in the know of who's on tv, or whos who in artists.

There's a balance between allowing the culture to shape us and define us, and knowing about the culture we live in as we are ambassadors for Christ. I don't think we should be burying our heads in the sand and avoiding the culture at all costs. But I also think we should be very intentional and cognizant of what we're allowing to enter our minds and what we're allowing to change us. There are so many messages being sent to our hearts every day in our culture. Messages about how we're supposed to look, how we're supposed to act, how we're supposed to live. Messages constantly being sent about how we're supposed to think and what we're supposed to believe. It's overwhelming.

But the message we should be focused on is the message of Christ. Of the hope found in Him. Of the forgiveness and love. And the life we can find in Him. This is the message that should be changing us. This is the message that should be guiding us.
Culturally relevant, all over the world.


Romans 12:2
1 John 2:15
John 3:17
John 17

Ye Shall Have No Other Gods Before Me

Matthew 16:13-19 (NIV)

Peter's Confession of Christ

 ¹³When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, "Who do people say the Son of Man is?"  ¹⁴They replied, "Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets."
 ¹⁵"But what about you?" he asked. "Who do you say I am?"
 ¹⁶Simon Peter answered, "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God."
 ¹⁷Jesus replied, "Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by man, but by my Father in heaven. ¹⁸And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it. ¹⁹I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven."


This weekend we visited Mt. Hermon, Tel Dan, and the area of Caesarea Philippi. Caesarea Philippi is where Jesus was speaking these words, and Mt. Hermon is thought to be where he was transfigured.

The interesting thing about the area is that there was a big temple area there that dates back to the Caananite time when the Israelites in Dan decided they were too far to worship in Jerusalem and set up their own places to worship. There were also other cult worshiping going on. This particular place was set up to worship the god Pan which has been changed to Banias with the change of language. Pan was worshiped by sacrificing animals, particularly goats. I believe there were also children sacrificed here as well. Anyway, the temple was built against a big mountain at the base of which there was a deep pool of water that was believed to be bottomless. They threw their sacrifices in there, and if there was no sign of blood, the sacrifice had been accepted. If there was, it had been rejected. Over the years as different civilizations took over, the Greeks and Romans also had temples there to different gods. The thing is, the pool is known as Hades. Makes it all the more meaningful that Jesus said while in the area that the Gates of Hades would not prevail. There was so much idol worship going on and worshiping false gods. There was darkness and death and fear because of the pool known as Hades.

 

 Hades. It's since been filled with rocks.

Mt. Hermon is also the tallest mountain in Israel. They have snow in winter, and it was definitely cooler up there when we climbed the mountain.

 

Approach to hades.

 

 Greek inscription on an old column.

 A Greek god stood where I am standing here. 

The workmanship of the architecture was beautiful. 

Today's best find:

This is today's best find for me! I wonder who was the last person to touch this....until I dug it up today!
A girl in the next square found a coin, so if I get a little farther down, I might find one too!

Some Photos

These three pictures are of the Sea of Galilee (the sea from now on). On the top is a view looking across towards the West side of the sea. Magdala and Tiberias would be on that side. Under that is a view of the South end of the Lake. Above is one of the North end of the lake. I am standing on a hill/mountain that used to have a Roman city. Nearby is where the pigs ran into the sea after Jesus sent the demons into them.

This is the first century synagogue in Magdala, now known as Migdal. 

About the middle and towards the right side of the inside square they found a box with a menorah carved just like the one in the 2nd temple. They have now removed it for preservation. This building was very small! I can't get over how small they were, but then I am used to big American houses.

This is some of the mosaic from the synagogue. Jesus may have stepped here!

The Sunrise this morning when I arrived at the archeology dig site. It was beautiful!

I didn't take any pictures of the dig today, but will hopefully get to do that in the next day or two! I needed to work and figure out what I was doing today. But don't worry, pictures coming soon!

Interesting Links

Just in case you folks were interested in where I'm going and what project I'm working on, I thought I'd share a couple of links. Enjoy!


Project website

Story about the project