I Made A Discovery!

I made a discovery this week!

I've been wishing I could figure out a way to listen to Scripture while at work. Then when I was searching for a Bible verse while working one day, I figured out that Biblegateway will read the Bible to you! And what's even better, in a British accent! And it will read continuously, so you don't have to choose each chapter or verse to listen. It'll read straight through until you stop it.

Today I listened to James. Twice.

I've been less disciplined than I should be with my Bible reading lately. Part of it is sheer laziness, because it's cold in the morning when I usually read my Bible, and it's tough to get out of the warm cocoon of my bed. Part of it is my schedule has been pretty full, so its really easy to push aside reading the Bible for more 'important' things. I realized that this was really a terrible state to be in, so that added to my excitement when I found a way to still get some Bible time in. I'm not so auditory that hearing it sticks as well as reading it, but it's definitely better than nothing, and I've enjoyed taking a few minutes (or hour) to listen to Psalms or another section of the Bible. Even if I'm not catching every word, I like that it's in the background entering my mind and heart subconsciously. And while it's playing, if I catch something interesting I take time to go and read that section as well as another way to remember it.

I was so excited, I thought I'd share my great discovery.

It's really the small things in life that excite me most. :)

Random Ramblings

I used to write a friend random bits and pieces that I was thinking of or happy about or busy doing. The friend and I have moved on to other forms of communication, but I thought I'd blog it a bit. I'm feeling chattery and happy and generally have ideas bouncing around in my head.

I'm feeling happy because I love scarves. This year I've started wearing them nearly every day. Today I was folding them and putting them away neatly, and I realized they're pretty much in the same color family: pink. Four out of twelve scarves are pink. Two more are purple. I've been on the lookout for a lovely gray one to add to the collection. I had my eye on one, but it was too expensive for my taste. Yesterday I found it for a fraction of the original cost! Excitement abounds! I'm thinking about doing a little blog photo series of different ways I style my scarves. Haven't decided for sure, yet. But maybe!

I'm listening to a new band today that I think I really like. I attended a concert last night and this band opened. Check them out here: www.rendcollectiveexperiment.com. They have a good vibe. Speaking of the concert, this morning when I woke up, my ears were still ringing, and I had had earplugs in! The bands were many, varied, and Loud! But it was great to go and hang out with friends. Good memories!

Covalent bonds are the subject matter of today in biology. I was thinking of the definition of covalent bonds and how it might relate to marriage. Maybe a bit of a stretch, but something that caught my attention and thoughts.

The sun is shining! I think I must mention it every time I blog, but I really love a sunny day. It makes me happy! It's been so dark and dreary here for days on end. Some sun is a very welcome thing. I shall go outside and let it warm my face I think.

I just discovered that eating protein when feeling sleepy during the day does help you feel more wakeful and ready to work. I must remember this for future reference.

I'm really grateful for God's healing power right now. Several situations around me have been needing God's healing, and to see it happening is amazing and humbling and makes me so thankful.

Just a few things that I'm thinking about today. It's a gorgeous day, and I'm glad to be alive!

On Being Single

Hi. I’m Katie, and I have a dream world. It includes a husband to cook for, to help, and make happy. A family with a new name for me, and a life with my man, together serving the Lord as we fulfill His calling on our life. A man and his woman, in a dreamy little house, having dreamy little children. Working together, living together, and laughing and dancing in the living room, and sitting down to our own table. A fire in the fireplace on cozy nights at home, grand adventures as we travel with little ones in tow. This is my dream for the adventure of life.

This is what I think about. That picture, of a smiling, happy little family all my own, with pink haze around the edge framing the faces still blurry.

Blurry because it is not real- yet. It’s a dream. A perfect little dream world.

This who Katie really is: a single girl, working part time and going to school full time. An occasional weekend away with friends, coffee shop runs when I feel like it. A girl with time to travel the world and see new places, time to dabble in hobbies, and focus on ministries I’m passionate about. The world is open and before me and I can do anything and go anywhere. This is today. This is Katie. This is Katie’s rich and full and vibrant life- today.

Today is all I really know. I remember yesterdays, and imagine tomorrows, but today is reality. Today is what I can count on, and the life of today is what I must focus on. I can’t spend my time and energy in my dream world, living on pink clouds of what-ifs. Today is sitting at a desk and typing up attendance reports. Today is spending cozy evenings at home studying for a degree. Today is noticing the real people I really know and being present and active in their lives. Faces sharp and clear around me, not blurry from the unknown of dreams. Today is the real deal.

I’m working right now on becoming balanced and healthy in how I view where I am in life versus what I wish I was doing in life. I can’t say I’m there yet, but I am re-training my heart and mind to be content with today, with living right where I am. And living happily and creatively and vividly there. Not just slogging through, wishing and waiting to begin to live the day a golden band is slipped on my finger.

Its easy to think of those pink what-ifs, and to think that today is worthless because it doesn't include those dreams and ideas. But I'm finding this is false thinking. Where I am, my quiet life, is an adventure of life worth living. I have so many good things from God right here, right now. So many people to know and love, so much He would have me do. It's wrong of me to become unhappy because it doesn't match my fantasy dream world.

I am not giving up that dream of husband and family. Of picking up toys and socks, washing endless dishes, making soup in the crock-pot and the adventure of the grocery store being the highlight of the week. I'm not giving it up, but I'm putting a frame of "one day" around it, and standing back to put it into the perspective of today's bigger picture. The picture of where I really am, and the joys and happinesses I have right now, right here.

"I am still determined to be cheerful and to be happy in whatever situation I may be, for I have also learnt from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions and not upon our circumstances"- Martha Washington

"Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." - Apostle Paul, Philippians 4:11

Praise

I just want to praise my God and Creator and share some of the beautiful things He does.
He heals. He heals my friends of their fears and their cancer! He heals hearts. He heals minds. He heals feelings!
He provides. He provides comfort and peace, joy and love. He provides when it seems all is lost, and exactly on time.
He gives beautiful gifts. Pink and purple sunsets, streaked with gold. Rain, to bring refreshment to revitalize. Friends in unexpected places, coffee to tantalize with scents and tastes. He gives life, full and vibrant!
His works are many and varied, ever present and always there. And I am trying to notice them more and more, letting His works and love consume me inside and out, fill me with awe, and bring me back to His feet.
It's a beautiful life, it's a wonderful world. I praise Him.

Writing

I sit down to write and stare at a blank screen, the white almost blinding as pictures of thoughts dance across it faintly, tantalizing and daring me to catch them and frame them forever in black and white. Words itch to break free from my fingertips, to splash across the screen and join the others in the celebration of communication. And yet, they are silent, waiting impatiently for my bidding to begin.
But I am still.
And nothing comes and nothing comes and nothing comes.
The click of the keys begin at last and fingers hesitantly and cautiously begin to type, only to stop and erase and begin again. Begin again and again and again.
Ideas come and go, too quickly to catch, impressions that are too shallow and too faint to bring to life. Ideas to be communicated and shared, emotions and feelings to express are dancing around in my brain, heels and toes tapping faster and faster, but not matching the slow touch of my fingers on the keyboard.
Slowly, slowly, slowly.
Words build on top of each other, building deeper and deeper, building understanding and comprehension. They mount up, building word cities, the black characters forming traces on a page, lines like a city skyline, stretching on and on and on.
Words and phrases, satisfying and delightful, rolling off the tongue, rolling from my mind, rolling along to reach another's eyes and soul.
The rate of my fingers picks up and the typing forms a staccato like the steady beat of a drum, calling attention to a subject and topic, calling attention to sit up! and notice. They take on a life of their own and unbid, they strike and form words, striking and hitting and ceaselessly moving until ideas are captured and held tight in place, a period like a nail on the end of the sentence.
Fingers that fly and fly and fly.
Fingers that take to the air and catching imagination they're away on the wing, away to form ideas and thoughts I never knew I had until it stares at me from the page, from the screen, from the mirror of my heart.
And sitting back, I stare in that mirror, a glimpse of my heart, and look to see what it means. Look to see what it says, look to see what is there.
Then, exhausted, my fingers tumble over each other, finally coming to rest. The tumult ended, the words are found and put into place.
And silence reigns again.

Completely

The secret of life is letting go
The secret of love is letting it show
In all that I do, in all that I say
Right here in this moment

The power of prayer
Is in the humble cry
The power of change
Is in giving my life
And laying down
Down at your feet
Right here in this moment

Take my heart, take my soul
I surrender everything to your control
And let all that is within lift up to you and say
I am yours and yours alone, completely

This journey of life, is a search for truth
This journey of faith, is following you
Every step of the way, through the joy and the pain
Right here in this moment

Take my heart, take my soul
I surrender everything to your control
And let all that is within lift up to you and say
I am yours and yours alone, completely

Right Here, Right Now
And for the rest of my life
Hear me say . . .

Take my heart, take my soul
I surrender everything to your control
And let all that is within lift up to you and say
I am yours and yours alone, completely

I am yours and yours alone, completely



"Completely" by Ana Laura

Cries

Yesterday I was having a conversation with someone who was asking for prayer for a friend. This man and his wife had been praying and praying for a baby. They had fertility treatments and were expecting quadruplets. The friend called to say that the woman had miscarried one, and now they were praying that the others would make it to the end of the pregnancy. I expressed sympathy for the miscarriage and asked if the remaining babies were okay. The friend said, "Oh yes! They had a 'selective miscarriage'." The friend then continued on with the conversation, describing how they were really praying the others would be carried to term.

To my deep sorrow, it wasn't until last night when I settled down to sleep that the full import of that conversation hit me.

This family had prayed for children. God blessed them by giving them four lives in her womb. And then they selectively miscarried one. They selectively killed one! They had an abortion! 'Selective miscarriage' is less harsh on the ear than abortion or elimination or removal of one of the lives. One of the babies was sacrificed for the others.

How does anyone even begin to think about this? How do you choose which baby to kill? How could you look at an ultrasound of four babies, four people, four lives and decide which one should not be allowed to live? Why would you even consider it? I suppose you choose the smallest or weakest one. And that is agreeing with survival of the fittest, which is evolution!  I am a small girl, and not particularly strong. I'm glad I wasn't eliminated for that reason!

It was the sheer hypocrisy that got me. If someone prays, asking God for the blessing of children, they must recognize that God is the giver of life, the one that forms the human in the womb. And then to selectively kill that human life, and ask for prayer for the others to be well and strong? How does that even translate?

I was so upset it took a while to settle back down and fall asleep. My heart was broken for that little innocent baby, the one that was selectively not allowed to live. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I prayed for the baby's siblings, still forming in the womb of their mother.

If she didn't want that baby, I do! Oh how can I even express my feelings? They were practicing birth control, and controlling which ones get birthed. A common practice, usually carried on before knowing whether a child is actually present. This is why I feel so strongly about birth control. If you follow the natural chain of events, it boils down to becoming so thoughtless that you are okay with asking for prayer for a procedure that goes against Christianity. A procedure that ends life, not one that gives life.

The cries of that baby were silenced.
And my cries grew louder.

I pray for that family, as they expect triplets, as they begin to get ready for three new lives to care for and guide. I pray for them as I grieve the loss of their child.

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart;" Jeremiah 1:5 

A Lesson On Thankfulness

I remember the cut of the cold wind. The ground was muddy, and with the sun behind clouds, the day was dreary and bone-chilling. I was in Bolivia, visiting a small community and a school where they worked with the poorest of the poor. The school director was taking us for a walk around the neighborhood to see some of the good work they had done to help families live a better life. We viewed pigs and goats that allowed single mothers to have a chance to earn money so they could care for their families. We saw where they were learning to garden more productively and heard how many of the parents in the neighborhood had learned to read along with their children. Then one of the mothers invited us to her house. She was excited about the good things that was happening in her life because of the ministry the school was doing. She wanted to share a little of her gratitude with us.

We stepped away from the roads, deeply rutted and difficult to navigate because of the deep mud and entered a little area where I saw this:

I remember thinking we were first going to see perhaps where her animals lived.

But no. This was her house. Where she lived with her children. When we entered, the children were in the bed and the interpreter told us they were there because it was the warmest place to be on a cold day like that.

As you can see, her home was tarp and tin held together with a few rusty nails and rope. There were plenty of cracks to allow the cold wind to blow through. Chickens wandered in and out. These pictures show everything she owned. Yet the most striking thing about this encounter was not the hovel they called home, or the fact that she had so little. It was her gratefulness. She was overflowing about how grateful she was for God being with her and giving her so much. She talked about how good God was, and about how thankful she was for a home and children, and for the ministry she could be a part of at the school. She was so overwhelmingly grateful. That stuck in my memory more than anything else. I would have been devastated to learn I had to live in these conditions. Yet she was so joyful and full of gratitude. At the time I had just moved into a much smaller house and was concerned about closet space. She was grateful for dirt floors.
A lesson on thankfulness. She took it to a whole new level for me. It was truly humbling to see her heart of thankfulness for what she had, and to learn the lesson before me of gratitude and being content. A lesson I still remember and will never forget.

A Life Of Thankfulness

I've been thinking lately about how to adopt a lifestyle of thankfulness. You may have noticed the twitter feed on the right that frequently mentions what I am grateful for. I want to notice and identify how I see Jesus coming, and the many gifts and blessings that exist in my life. Some days it feels that there are none, and that it's been a blank, a hardness for as far back as I can remember. Then I look back at the list here and in my journal and remember the truth. The truth is that there are many blessings in my life. The reality is that there is plenty of goodness and grace brought into my way. By taking a moment to share this, it helps me remember continually to look for what God is doing, and to be thankful.

Thankfulness is recognizing what you have, and appreciating that. It's a necessary part of being contented, and contentment leads to real happiness. Thankfulness is looking deeper, beyond the surface and finding the intangibles, the important things to be noticed and remembered and shared.
Thankfulness is an exercise that should be practiced often, and I have found as I practice it becomes easier and easier to continue.

Thankfulness is something I will be thinking on for the next little while. Perhaps there will be more blog posts coming on this subject.

Meanwhile, I am thankful.

I Forgive

I forgive.

Two simple words that cover a mountain and a valley and a world of wrestling and aching before arriving at the moment of clarity.

I forgive.

I will not forget the journey that caused or the journey that it took to arrive at those words. I will not forget them, but I will forgive them.

I forgive.

I will rise above the small, petty, childishness of holding a hurt in my heart. I will release it and forgive it and not keep it smoldering. It is gone because I forgive.

I forgive.

I will forgive and move forward, free and clear. I forgive and become free and whole in the forgiving.

I forgive.

Because of love, I forgive.

I forgive.

I forgive and find forgiveness.

My forgiveness really is such a small thing.

My King, my Christ, faced so much more hurt than I even begin to imagine, to forgive me. Not only the physical pain of the cross, and crucifixion, but also the mental, emotional, and spiritual pain and dying that took place in order that I might live. My mistakes and words and actions were forgiven. Forgiven and paid for that I might become free and whole. Free and whole in order to have a relationship with God and find the secret to eternal life.

I forgive. Because I have been forgiven.

Take 5

I have 5 minutes before I need to pack up and head for the next thing. 5 minutes to share some contemplations.

It's raining outside and as I glance out the window, I notice the street lights glowing, the light reflecting off the wet cement. A small gift to appreciate. A bit of beauty that I notice and which satisfies. A little glimpse that reminds me of an artist.
The artist is God, and He paints on my heart and mind. He paints beauty into my life and heart and all I need to do is look for it and appreciate it and be thankful for it.

The glow of the lamps is the shine of His love. And there are reflections of His love, even in the dark and wet night.

Perhaps I am to reflect His love. Perhaps through kindness, I can share a picture of the Savior. Perhaps through generosity, or compassion I can reflect His graciousness and justice.

It's raining, and dark, and wet. But there are reflections of hope and light. Just look for them and notice them. They're all around you, reflecting off wet cement.

Steel Determination

Steel determination.

The words echo in my mind. Steel determination to do the right thing, no matter what. A determination that has the strength of steel, the strength of tough resolution. The nerve to carry through, the fortitude to withstand the fiercest conflict. A steel determination that cannot be manipulated or broken or softened.

Steel determination to make it to the end. This is what is needed today, tomorrow, and every day we are faced with seemingly impossible situations or ideas or conflicts. We must carry the determination to do the right thing, to never lose sight of the bigger picture, to continue the fight to the win.

Determination is when you grit your teeth and keep on even when it takes all your strength and more. It's when the pain burns and yet you keep on going. It's when the blood starts to pool and yet you keep on fighting. Determination is making a decision and sticking to it.

The picture in my mind is when I grit my teeth, take a deep breath and push as hard as I can until the object is achieved.

Somewhere within us we can find that steel determination to accomplish with integrity what is before us. Somewhere within us God gives us the strength that would otherwise be impossible, and the fortitude to carry it out. If it is right, if it is good, if it is just and if it is noble, there is a way to accomplish, to win, to triumph.

Steel determination is what is needed. Strength. Resolve.

Strong words that mean nothing without action. And action is only wanting the steel determination to make it through.

God's Imagination

Last night I was driving back from a late night out, and thinking about the stars. I was enjoying looking at the stars and the moon. Since I live out where there aren't as many lights, its very easy to see the stars and let their shine soak in.
I was thinking about how the stars might look from the sky. Millions of stars, bringing bits of light to a sea of darkness. I was wondering what God's view of the stars might be like.
Then it hit me. God imagined all of this before He made it. God imagined all this beauty and more. The beauty of the stars and galaxies, the beauty of the seas and oceans and the world beneath them, the beauty of the mountains and forests, the beauty of the caves and things beneath the earth's crust. He imagined it all and then shared it with us.
He shared it with us! We get a peek, a small little view of the imagination of God, of His idea of beauty.
It's kind of overwhelming when you think about it. Not only do we get to see it and live with it everyday, but God's idea of beauty includes us as well.

Wow. All that beauty. All that creation. And God made it all, and shared His ideas with us so we could enjoy it, too.

Psalm 19:1-4

The heavens declare the glory of God; And the firmament shows His handiwork.

Day unto day utters speech, and night unto night reveals knowledge.

There is no speech nor language Where their voice is not heard. 

Their line has gone out through all the earth, and their words to the end of the world. 

Steps

Psalm 37:23-24

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way.

Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with his hand.